just "Alone"....

Apparently, things are fine. Things are supposed to be fine. When I look around, I don’t see anything necessarily out of place. The sun shines bright. Frolicking with friends continues. Long late night walks and endless conversations are a part of the usual routine.

But, why then, my smile tends to fade a little too quickly these days? Why then, I tend to pray a little too long? Why do I stop and think when I am in the middle of something? I wonder why there is a weight on my heart.

Yes, I can feel it. I can feel something grasping my heart and it is so not pleasant. Everything seems so... ominous.
I look up at the sky with hope and there is nothing more I can do.

It's ridiculous how you get emotionally involved with people to the extent that it hurts. It's ridiculous how I can feel the pain. It's ridiculous how badly I want to hold her in my arms and put her to sleep since she had so many sleepless nights. I can't comprehend the logic behind these emotions, and it all comes down to this,


उसकी उदासी ही मेरी कमजोरी है...|


-omi

Another Chapter..... ( A Short Story )

"This is very special. I am not going to let you go..." he looked at her and whispered.

"Tell me that in the morning when the sun is up!!" She smiled.

"And.... Why is that?" his obvious question.

"Men say a lot of things in the darkness of the night that they haven't fully thought through..." She replied calmly.

"Well I am not like the others," he protested.

"Well.. That's what they all say.." She smiled again.. Followed by a wink..

He pulled her back from his arms then, she saw his puzzled gaze. He paused, smiled and added confidently, "And I am NOT like them."

But that's what they all say, except she didn't say it out aloud this time.

Instead she leaned in so he could kiss her again. And he did.
He slightly brushed his hand against her cheek before he pulled back and she smiled.
He walked her to the door. They quietly talked for a few more moments before they said goodnight and she started to leave. He knew she didn't want to leave but she had to.

He watched her walk out, and when she was out of sight... He turned around and pulled his sweater to cover his chest and crossed his arms over it. Somehow he was cold then. He walked into his dimly lit room, and looked at the clock: 2:53AM. He sighed audibly and suddenly felt an urge to make some coffee. A few moments later, he was holding his (and her too) favorite coffee mug as he made his way to the desk. The warm coffee felt good against his cold hands. Sleep was far from his eyes then. He logged on to the PC - the sound of the key strokes of the keyboard started shaping words, forming sentences, pouring emotions. And that is how he started writing his Another Chapter - Another Heartache...


-omi

its all about being good and bad.. ( A Short Story )

A 6-year-old knocked on Santa's door a little after midnight.

She asked the elf who answered the door that she needs to see Santa immediately. When the elf told her that Santa was asleep, the girl insisted that he needs to wake him up because it was about her bike. The girl was upset but she looked so cute upset. Seeing that, the elf smiled and seated her in the living room while he went to get Santa.

Santa came downstairs after a little while, still sleepy and rubbing his eyes.

The little girl looked at him and crossed her arms. Upon seeing that she was annoyed, Santa sat down, smiled and asked her what was wrong.

"I wished for a bike. You never gave me a bike," she said.

"Oh," replied Santa. "Did you ask for a bike?"

"Yes," she replied.

"What did you get instead?" he asked.

"A Doll."

"Hmm, well lets see that must be a mistake," Santa got up to look at his list.

"What is your name little lady?" He asked.

"Emma.. Emma Millington," she replied.

"Hmm, Emma Millington," Santa repeated while going through his list.

The little girl look at Santa intensely hoping that he would find her name and tell her that he will get her the bike she wished for.

"Yep, there it is," Santa finally spoke, "Emma Millington - who wants a pink bike."

"Yes!, Yes!," she replied.

"But there is a reason why the Bike wasn't delivered to you," said Santa.

He paused for a moment then asked,

"Have you been a good girl or a bad girl?"

The excitement on her face grew into guilt.

"Umm... well.... its not like that...," she mumbled.

"Have you been a good girl or a bad girl?" he repeated.

She couldn't reply, or it looked like she did not want to answer the question.

"Everyone has to answer this question some time in their lives, dear child," Santa said softly.

She looked up to Santa. She wanted to say something but she couldn't.

"Its alright, you can take your time. But you have to answer that question to yourself and the sooner you do it, the sooner you will know why particular things happen to you in your life."

"Hmm... I see," replied the girl. She got up to leave.

Santa watched her leave and didn't say anything. But as she was about to get out of the door, he said,

"Emma... Think about it, but know that Santa believes in second chances."

She looked back at him and smiled.



-omi

I dream... my way....

many people ask me...
"How do you dream? How can you dream so clearly? What do you dream of?"

I dream of what I can and what you cannot. I see what I should and what you would not. I feel what you want and I touch what you fear. I try to submit but as a droplet clinging to the surface, I have always held on to the intangible feelings of hope and remorse.

I dream of smoke and sparkles. I dream of nights, nightscapes and starlit skies. I reach out to hold the falling stars in my hands for I know the worth of the fallen ones. I dream of valleys; green and blue. I dream of the lies, the eyes and the truths. I dream of castles in a far away land. I dream of wars, won and lost. I dream of colors so rich and true. I dream of music so soft and melodious. I dream of dark endless nights that dissolve me in fervor and passion.

…But then again, I dream of nothing. I stay awake at nights, holding my hands against my weak, weak heart. I drink caffeine in abundance at a time. I drink, write and read your words, your eyes, your thoughts. I can’t dream as you forbid me to, and then you ask, “What do you dream of?”

As we all celebrate our mediocrity, paying in blood for all things free; hunting ravenously for a bargain to buy back our brains, I want to sit calm and sail in my decade of dreams--fighting the battering bullets with butterflies.

If I do continue to dream don’t wake me up for I am a boy they find impossible to forget and infernally hard to remember.

How do I dream? Do I really know?

I catch a fluttering butterfly and choose colors from its wings. I close my eyes and hear the waves moan as they crash against the shore. I stood once in freezing, feeling the hail numb my soul. I feel yesterday from a pedestal high and the hurt made me feel alive. I taste the salty teardrops grazing the corner of my lips. I feel lovely touch and the satisfaction of loving someone. I feel the cool sea breeze tingle my skin and more.

…and that’s how I dream my friend. Though there is still more—more to dream, more to determine.


-omi

That Bar... That Night..

She was sitting at one corner of the bar, idly playing with the straw in her diet coke while some drunk guys sang an old classic song at the Karaoke. She turned around and glanced at them, and then her watch. It was 1:30am. She looked at the boys who were busy chatting and laughing standing close to her, and realized how much they have bonded with each other over the last few weeks. She turned back towards her drink and started observing the tipsy strangers around her until he tapped on her shoulder.

"Excuse me, Are you having a good time?" he asked while sitting next to her.

"Oh, I am fine. Looks like you guys are having fun."

"Well you must be knowing by now. It's always a good time," he replied with a smile.

"Good, don't worry about me, go have fun with the guys," She said.

"But I have to worry about you," He replied.

"And why is that?" she smiled.

"Because you are the one..... I have to worry about,"

It was one of those statements, in which the pause between 'you are the one' and 'I have to worry about' made her almost believe that there was no pause, that perhaps there was just a period there.

But sadly, life seldom brings periods our way. There is always a comma or a question mark. Perhaps, it is because you can always count on the comma and a question mark but never the period.

"And how do you know that?" She asked.

"I feel it," he replied simply while taking a sip from his drink.

"Don't you think it is too soon to tell?" She asked.

He leaned in closer to her, as if he was going to kiss her. But didn't kiss her.

"I know how I feel," He said.

"Ahem, can we interrupt the lovely couple?" their friend asked and both of them diverted their attention towards him.

"Come here man," he said to the friend while standing up and putting his arm around his shoulder. Then he put his other arm around his other friend's shoulder, and faced her.

"You see this woman... this beautiful woman.... she... she is mine," he said. There was pride in that tone.

They all smiled, and while he moved on to talking more about what he thought about this relationship and how he loved the idea that she came across him, she zoned out for a little bit, because in that very moment, when she looked at him standing in front of her smiling and giggling, she knew that this man was going to be a handful and if she took this man's hand, it would be a crazy ride. They wouldn't be perfect and would probably drive each other crazy. But somehow, she knew it then that they would go a very long way. She was right. And knew what she had to do.

So in that moment, she got up, put her purse on her shoulder, and took his hand in her.

"Lets go home..." She said.

He winked..


-omi

defining love...

She is getting comfortable.
She is getting comfortable in those arms a little too much. For the first time, she is not afraid. She is not afraid of herself, not afraid of people around her and not afraid of the future. Come what may. Now she does not care… and why should she? She have felt the touch—that caring tender touch and will give up anything for it. She knows it is worth all.

She is glad that he is sincere. For the first time, She has known that he cares— she has felt it (She won’t complain/taunt anymore *smiles*). She is glad that she can hear it in his words and see it in his eyes. She is glad it is him. She will never have any regrets. She is glad it is him that she has shared herself with.

She is beautiful and he is handsome. These past few days have reminded her of why she fell in love with him in the first place. These days, after a long time, he is reminding her of the man who depicts wonderful manners and a strong character. The man who is full of life… who is generous at heart and who doesn’t give up even when life shows less hope. True, some mistakes have been made. Some harsh words were said and some things weren’t avoided. But, she still believes there was nothing that is not amendable. He is the man whose smile makes her heart skip a beat. The man, she has loved. The man she is proud to love.

She says...
"Do not worry, my darling, I do not ask anything in return. I do not wish to cause you any harm or distress, for I am just living a dream. I am living this wonderful dream, which, I know has to come to an end sooner or later. I hope we both cherish the memories if and when it is over...."


-omi

knowing you....

Suddenly, all I can think about are all the things I don't know about her. All the things I never had the chance to learn. I don't know if her feet are ticklish or how long her toes are. I don't know what nightmares she had as a child. I don't know which stars are her favorites, what shapes she sees in the clouds. I have no clue what she writes in her journal or if she writes at all. I don't know what she is truly afraid of or what memories she holds closest.

I don't know how she holds her pen or if she shakes her leg when she is waiting on something. I don't know how her breath smells like . I don't know how her hair feels like or if her hands remain hot or cold. I do not know. And I don't have enough time now, never enough time. I want to be in the every moment with her, but my mind explodes with grief for all that I am missing. All that I will miss. All that we have wasted.

Perhaps... you can afford to wait. Perhaps... for you there's a tomorrow. Perhaps... you have many many tomorrow's to come that you can let the todays slide and have so much time that you can waste. But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know.


-omi

Only for "you"...

I am writing this for you. You and only you. Everyone else who is reading this is just reading it. They don't understand it, only you will. You need to know this - all of this, because if you don't know it now, you may never know and I cant live with that.

I thought I had so much more time. I thought I had years to tell you what I have been wanting to tell you so I have been putting it off for tomorrow. But it turns out that I have no time. So I have to tell you right now hoping that you would listen and listen well.

There are so many photographs that you have yet to see - photographs taken only for you. they are yet to get developed.. They are still in my eyes.. my mind.. And there are so many letters that you have never read - letters meant only for you. And there are so many plans that you have not heard about, that you should have known. And my heart, my silly heart that yearns for you, you haven't even seen it all all. But you must, because right now may be the only time I get to show you.

I know we are not perfect, and may never be. (and please don't be.. I love imperfections in you.. "Us"!!) In fact there is no point in making this perfect, because perfection makes it all boring, only the pursuit of perfection makes it exciting. And you know we are exciting. So I know that I am going to continue to ruin perfectly romantic moments by saying something silly, and you will continue to make me mad by cracking a sarcastic joke at the wrong time. But the truth is, I want to get mad at you. And I want to yell at you and I want to fight with you and want me to make it up to you... I just love it when you get angry at me.. No matter how frustrated I get, I don't want it to stop, because that is what makes it special in its own screwed up way. And I always want to do something silly and blame you for it. I want to give you the first spoonful of whatever it is that I am about to eat and I want to do that for the rest of time. I do. I really do.

And I want you to get mad at me so that I can tell you how adorable you look and show you how perfectly you fit into your arms even when you don't want me to. There are so many things that I want to do for you, so many things that we need to see together, like the snow, the beach, the rains.. and lot many dreams.. together...

I know it defies logic... A lot.. And I know it is not simple, but here is something I never told you before: loving you is the easiest thing I have known, and that is the truth. Can't you see it, that you are just a silly girl, crazy woman who belongs with me and only me, because why would God ever make the wrong man love you in all the right ways? He knows it all, and He must have a plan. Please don't mess with His plan.



-omi

Crazy Woman....

"How do you do that?” he asked. “I mean how can you open yourself up to someone and love them so much after all that you have been through?”

“Think about your first love...” She said. “ Think about the person you loved for the very first time - the love that was fearless and the heart that was unfamiliar with any pain. Do you remember how that feels?”

He nodded.

“Well, that's the thing with me...” She continued. “When I fall in love with someone, I make my heart believe that I am falling for the first time. I cannot bear the fact that the man who is the object of my affection should not get my full affection because of another man who caused me pain at some point. I believe in taking chances and I cannot live with the fact that I will not offer myself fully to someone who might be deserving of it because I have been hurt before.

Besides, I have to give it my all in order to find out if the relationship or if that man is worth it. All these measured relationships do not make sense to me. I believe in loving and loving well.”

He remained silent for a little while, as if he was processing what she had explained to him.

“Women...” he finally spoke. “Women are so complicated and so crazy, and you,are the craziest woman I know.”

He smiled.



-omi

My December Returned....

December has returned.

After a long fruitless but patient wait, December has returned.
Just as the sun shines after a storm, December brightens my day.
Just like cold winter nights, December makes me shake and shiver.

In the trembling, shivering loneliness, why does December tease me?
On a cold, sad evening, why does December make me cry?
December returned....again.

To make me weave more dreams.... to build castles in the air, December has returned.
But, where are you, my love?
Just like last year, has December came alone?
Without you, barren is December.
Between you and me is December.
I cry and surprised is December…
For me… how worried is December!
Today, my pride is December.

Listen, December...
Please do me a favor.
When you come next year
Come with her.
Bring her along with you.
Please, December.


-omi

warmth.. life.. and we..

Do you know the feeling you get when you wear your favorite warm pair of socks straight out of the dryer?

You know, late night when your feet are cold and you wear the socks that are still warm from the heat of the dryer. I have to admit that it is the most “comfy-est” feeling in the world.

Have you ever tried to wear those old big loose-fitted sweaters at night? Those that don’t fit you at all and they are woolen... but they really make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

On top of that, did you ever try having a cup of coffee with a lot of cream?

Ok, how about taking some time to stare out of your window in the afternoon? Can you name 6 things that exist outside your window?

When was the last time you actually kissed or hugged a child?

Do you know the feeling you get whenever you make someone smile, either by being nice to them or by cracking a joke?

Do you know that friends have the ability to make you laugh until your cheeks hurts and you get stomach cramps?

Are you familiar with how much you can get satisfied with yourself when you kneel down and pray?

If you are not familiar with what I am talking about then I regret to inform you that you are the most unfortunate person in the world.

There are more things in life than work, or studying, or making money. There are more things in life than crying over those who are gone.

Stop. Think. Evaluate.


-omi

Ishq...

There comes a point in love when it doesn't hurt anymore. You feel nothing but love. Your love for the object of your affection and nothing else.

It's complete submission. You can't go any further than that. You love without wondering how they feel about you. Sometimes you love without even knowing where they are and if you will ever be able to see them again. Worries about whether you will be able to spend a lifetime with that person are so trivial to you because your love is greater than that.

I have learned that when you completely love someone you let go of all your desires. You just love. Not many people can actually wrap their heads around the idea but it makes complete sense to me. It brings me satisfaction.

Loving someone should always be easy. Relationships are complicated, love isn't. Too often we confuse the two together. Loving like that gives me the courage to go on.

I have loved another with all my heart and to me, that has always been enough.


-omi

Friendly Fire....

My friend always assured me that she will be there for me whenever I need her. But that is not true. Where was that girl when I got in a fight… with HER! She was supposed to back me up, but NO, she took HER side. So I'm torn between wanting to get back to the way we were, and knowing in my heart that she deserves a good slap..

Its a tricky thing to engage in a fight - with a friend. I find myself very perplexed in moments like these. I know it is not going to amount up to anything but I cant help but yell at her. But looking back at it, I thoroughly enjoy how my friends fight:

Guys - they usually wrestle around, throw a few jabs at each other and work the stress out so that everything's back to normal. I usually apply the same approach. Cut the drama, throw a few punches (or anything approachable that I can throw which wouldn't break), burn off some steam and once we are tired from the sheer absurdness, we sit in silence for a few minutes before one of us goes, "Wanna go grab a bite? I am hungry now", "Sure" and the rest is history.

Girls - now they are a whole another story. As a part of their programming, they will engage in an around 72-hour mental warfare (usually over me) in which each will pretend to not be mad and that the other is not noticing that she is pretending to not be mad.
Please Reread it if you must.
It makes sense I promise. At which point the first to get mad loses, is named the "B*tch" and must be the one to dish out the ice cream in the make-up ritual. They will ironically trade dirty gossip about the other members of their circle, causing the cycle to repeat itself. They'll gulp down spoonfuls of Rocky Road not at all realizing the inherent symbolism.

So which argument style is better? Healthier? Most damaging? I can't say.. Rather I cant Judge! ;)


-omi

He Laughs.. Silly Boy.. ( A Short Story )

She remembers she was having biryani for dinner that night. It was cooked in hyderabadi style - courtesy of a dear friend's mother - was quite spicy for her taste buds. He was quite amused while observing her constantly changing facial expressions with each spoonful of rice. She looked up and saw him looking at her.

"I CAN handle spices.." She said judging by his expressions of what he might be thinking.

"Yup! I am sure.." he said with a broad smile.

"I CAN!" She protested. "The other day I ate A WHOLE GREEN CHILI in that restaurant and I was just fine, you have the video as a proof."

"Of course my dear, I can see that now..." He grinned.

That smile. She noticed his smile then. It wasn't reserved but not too broad either that she could call it a laughter.

He has a sweet smile, but a gorgeous laughter. She doesn't think there are many people who are great with laughter. Since it is an involuntary action for the most part, no one has much control over how one laughs unless he is faking it. Some look good when they laugh while others sound good but seldom both, and he is one of those who got the best of both worlds in this matter.

He doesn't smile all that often but when he does, she almost wants to change it to a laughter, because that is when he is at his best and she wants to see him nothing less than his best.

"Dude, I can prove it to you..." she said picking up a green chili.

"Oh come on, there is no way..." he said almost laughing.

"You"ll see!" She said confidently.

She brought the chili close to her mouth. It smelled so strong that she knew it was going to be brutal to her. She hesitated then, but was getting close to the laughter. She looked at the chili and smiled before taking the whole thing into her mouth. Moments later everything turned out the way she thought it would... He was in splits while she was trying to calm herself down by resorting to water and eating some more rice (biryani though... Which did not help, in any way).

Her face almost turned red, and her tearful eyes were fixed on his face which was bright and cheerful - laughing away. His perfectly aligned teeth showing as his lips parted and curved into a broad grin. He tried to muffle his laughter when he saw her looking at him. But she was glad to know that he failed at that. He said something while laughing which she doesn't remember now because her pain was worsening at the time. She got up and resorted to the fridge to find something sweet.

She came back and started eating it with a spoon.

"Awwww, poor baby," he said. "Is it honey?"

"Its jam!" She declared.

He laughed the hardest then. She thought there was something in her tone - pretentious anger merged with pretentious irritation that made him laugh like that.

At that moment she realized that laughter was important, that he has the most beautiful laugh she had seen on a man and he needs to make good use of it. And she realized there was nothing she wouldn't do to make him laugh.

Very conveniently he added, "Don't challenge to do things that you know you can't."

She didn't answer. She couldn't answer. Because he couldn't see what she saw and she couldn't show him that. She smiled inside.

The little things matter. From every crevice of his face, to every move of his finger to every breath he takes, matters. From a moment of sadness to a second of his joy, matters. From the words he utters, to the sighs he take, matters. Every single thing about him MATTERS. And he doesn't believe that.

Silly Boy!

The Break Up... ( A Short Story )

She woke up to his fingers gently caressing her back... Gliding from the back of her neck all the way down her spine to back again. From what she had gathered, it was early in the morning. She felt tired but she knew that she had to get up. She turned around and faced him. He opened his eyes and smiled a sleepy smile. She leaned in and they kissed.

Soon after she got out of bed, looked around the messy room while he lay straight on his back with his eyes closed. She tied her hair up in a messy bun and started gathering her things....
Socks laying by the door, camera on his desk, a lipstick on the dresser, her perfume lying next to his deodrant, her scarf on the floor, the towel on the chair, some messed up clothes in the corner.... She carelessly tossed everything in the suitcase and wore the first pair of jeans and T-shirt she could see. She put his oversized old T-shirt. She changed out of neatly on the other side of the bed.

"You could take this with you, you know..." he said. She hadn't realized that he was observing me all that time.

"It's yours..." She replied quietly.

"But you love to wear it at night. You can have it." His response.

"It's alright," She said and looked away.

She untied her hair, decided to take a quick shower then cancelled the idea. It was still dark in the room. She went into the bathroom to wash her face. A moment later, She came back quietly and started brushing her hair.

"Breakfast?" She looked at him who was still laying on his back staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah," he said after coming out of his thought process.

They looked at each other. He gave her a weak smile.

She came out into the kitchen, and poured him his favorite cereal. She did not have time to do anything elaborate. She heard the shower go off briefly before he walked into the kitchen with wet hair and dressed in jeans. On any other day, She would find him attractive, be a little mischievous, play with his wet hair, but that was not the day. Instead, she pointed to the table. He smiled. They sat down and quietly ate breakfast.

"Juice?" He finally broke the silence.

"I dont think we have any," She replied quietly.

"Oh, I suppose I would have to do grocery myself from now onwards."

"I suppose... but don't worry, you'll be fine, I trained you well," She said with a smile.

He laughed for the first time that morning.

After they were done eating, she took the dishes and washed them. As she was washing, he came up to her and hugged her from behind - putting his arms around her waist and his head on her shoulder as he usually did. she kissed his forehead - as I usually did.

When she was done, he let her go.

"I think I should head out now..." She said.

"Yeah," he replied and went into the bedroom to grab her suitcase. She took hold of the other bag and her purse while walking out of the apartment behind him. As she exited the building, she looked back at it, just soaking it all in with all the memories they made in and outside of this building. He had already put her suitcase in the car and was walking back towards her. She stood there watching him. He came up to her and tried taking the bag off her shoulder.

"I can carry this one myself, you have already spoilt me a lot, I need to get back in the habit of carrying everything myself..." she said with a smile.

He didn't reply. Instead he leaned in and kissed her. They kissed for a longer time before she gently pushed him back.

"I will see you around..." she said brushing his shoulder with her hand.

"You better" he replied.

She smiled and started walking towards the car. As she opened the driver's door, she turned around and waved at him before disappearing in the car - her face was naked with love. This was something they had never talked about - "Love". But she allowed him to take one clear look at it... It blazed from her. And then she left....


-omi

A Little Odd Gifts... ( A Short Story )

What is the weirdest/oddest gift you have ever received?
Please share.

Here is a story:

One fine afternoon, She was trying to find her way in search of a book. She badly needed a cup of coffee to save her life because it was a particularly stressful day.. As she turned around a corner, and saw a perfectly sane and a nice looking gentleman walking towards her. Well, he wasn't really walking towards her, he was walking past her.. Since they were both on the sidewalk going in opposite directions. She saw him. He saw her. Nothing magical happened. She looked away the next moment. He was coming out of the pharmacy and she was heading towards the coffee shop right next to it. But somehow, after the guy passed by her, he turned around and stopped her.

"Excuse me?" She heard him say.

"Yes?" She turned around to face him wondering what he wanted.

"Umm... you are very pretty..." he said quietly.

Definitely, not the response she was expecting. she looked at him for a moment with a confusing expression, smiled and said,

"Well... thanks."

"Umm... I don't have anything else on me right now, but... umm... here... for you..." He handed her a 'Gatorade' bottle.

She looked at the bottle and then looked at him now really wondering what his plans were.

"No, please... umm.. i mean... please take it. It is a... bright.. ummm hot... day... and.. and.. you... you are soooo... umm... pretty..." He was practically strutting by this point.

She hesitantly took the bottle from his hand which was almost on her face. She was wondering how to respond to all of this, but before she could say anything he said, "Have a wonderful day!!!" and without waiting for an answer, he turned around quickly and walked away.

When he turned around she noticed that he was wearing a university jersey. He must be a student there. She watched him turn around the corner and disappear.

She took a closer look at the Gatorade bottle, it was still cold. Perhaps he just bought it for himself from the pharmacy. She was a little skeptical of it at first, wondering if there was some sort of drug in it, but it was sealed perfectly.

Later, she enjoyed that refreshing 'Gatorade' and smiled a little more. She may never see him again and may never really know what exactly he was thinking when he handed her that bottle - whether it was something planned or if it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. But she got a smile and a good story out of it.

So, ladies and gentlemen, this is yours truly..
Generally women get flowers and chocolates, and she got 'Gatorade' bottle.

and I love the little things that happen in oddest of ways...



-omi

Confessions of a Lover.. ( A Short Story )

This story might seem really cheesy and perhaps too cliched - except that it is not.

I am not too sure how memories are triggered. All the things that happen to us or the experiences we go through are stored nicely in our pretty little heads but we don't think about every thing all the time. Usually a long lost memory creep its way back into consciousness if we see something similar happening again, perhaps to someone, perhaps in a movie. Certain songs trigger certain memories. They say, scent is the most powerful invocator of memory.

But then there are certain memories that just pop into your head after a long time and as that memory comes back, it seems like it happened just yesterday.


One such memory came to her head from nowhere yesterday. She tried to look around for a trigger but there was none. She realized that she hadn't thought about this incident for years now. It was as if she had forgotten it. But then when it came back, it came back with every word she had heard then and every touch she felt.
.
.
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It was an ordinary afternoon when he was sitting on the bed putting his head in yet another book while she was cleaning and re-setting up the house.

"So, I wanted to ask you something..." she said while putting the last of the folded clothes in the dresser.

"hmm... what is it?" he asked without looking up from his book.

She turned around, looked at him, smiled and said, "Well, its going to sound really cheesy but I am curious."

"Ah - that curiosity again. I have a feeling its going to get me in so much trouble one day," he grinned, this time looking at her.

"Well, not if you answer me properly." She added.

they both smiled.

"You might need some time to think about, but once you do, I am curious to know.... when was the first time you realized you were in love with me?" She asked seriously.

"Ah - the things you ask!" he teased.

After a brief pause he continued.

"I don't think I need time to think about this one," he replied while closing the book, and sitting up straight. He raised his arm and gestured towards her to come and sit with him. When she sat, he began.

"Remember the time when we used to meet on Saturdays and talk for the whole night and still pretended that we were 'just friends'?" he asked solemnly.

"Yeah, I remember that. You wouldn't sleep," She chuckled.

"And remember when there were a couple of Saturdays when I couldn't see you because I was out of town for that conference?" he added.

"Yes. Is that the time when you were in that car accident?" she asked immediately.

"Yes. When we were coming back, my friend and I, we had a head on collision with a truck. I don't how we survived," he laughed.

"It's NOT funny! You scared me so much then," She protested his laughter.

"Thank God we weren't hurt that much," he replied.

"You were in the hospital for 8 days!" She protested again.

"And you remember the exact day counts?" he asked almost surprised.

"You think! Those were like 8 years to me, of course I remember," She declared.

"Well when we had that collision, my friend passed out almost immediately while I was still conscious but barely. Since we didn't take the interstate to come back, we were on a smaller highway and there was very little traffic, it took a while for help to come because there weren't many people who saw the accident." his response.

"But you never told me that," She interrupted.

"I didn't want to worry you, besides I was fine by the time I saw you so I didn't even want to think about it,"
he came up with an excuse.
"So, when I was stuck in the car, I tried to move but I couldn't. I don't really know what exactly was hurting, but every time I tried to move I would feel a sharp pain all over and I couldn't move anymore. My energy was dwindling with each passing minute and it seemed like I was going to lose consciousness too. I tried to keep myself awake though, because I was afraid that if I had fainted I might not wake up."

He paused for a moment, stared at her hands as if he was putting the pieces together in this head, and then started again.

"You know, they say that when you are about to die, your whole life flashes before you?" he continued without waiting for an answer. "Well, that did not happen to me. There were no images of my childhood, no images of life flashing by me. Believe, it or not, as I lay there feeling nothing but pain, all I could think about was you, and that if I never get to see you again how will you ever know, and that I didn't want to die just yet. Your face was so clear in front of my eyes and you looked so beautiful and despite all the pain, I wanted to get up and see you in person. At that moment it seemed as I hadn't seen you or talked to you in ages and I missed you terribly."

At this time, her face was blank, and she couldn't think of a single word to say to him. She reached out and touched his hand. So, he continued.

"Then I felt my eyes closing and I don't remember anything after that. I don't know who came and who rescued us. I woke up in the hospital after a day or so. And when I opened my eyes, I didn't see the hospital room or the people around me. All I saw was your face again. And I smiled."

Her grip on his hand tightened.

"As I recovered for the next few days in the hospital and regained my full consciousness, I realized how much I love you and how much I want to be with you all the time. It was almost a revelation because before that I knew that I felt something for you and that you were important to me but I didn't know that you have consumed me to this extent, that the last thing on my mind when I thought I was about to die was YOU. I have been in road accidents before but something like this has never happened to me. So then, once I came back, I told you."

"You mean, you asked me if I loved you," She chuckled and tried to lighten the moment.

"Well, I had to start the conversation somewhere," he protested.

"That wasn't a conversation starter, that was more like finding out if I felt the same way before you spill the beans which is soooo courageous of you." She declared sarcastically.

"Since I knew I felt so strongly for you, I was terrified of being rejected and losing you," he announced.

She laughed. Then a moment later, asked,

"But, I never knew you went through all of that. I didn't even know the accident was that bad. We have been together for two years, how come you never told me about this?" she asked solemnly.

"Well, you never asked until today," He smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes. Then she found him looking at her face. She was all too familiar with that look - that specific look of a man in love.

"So, its my turn now... when was it for you?" he asked.

She leaned in a bit, putting her hand on his cheek.

"That's a story for another time," she almost whispered in his ear.

"Thats not fair,' he said grazing her lips with his.

"Love is never fair darling," she smiled.

As their lips melted into each other and his arms pulled her closer, she felt like the luckiest woman in the whole world.

And years later, she still does.



-omi

A suggestion.. for Facebook! ;)

College 'kids' can be very creative especially when they get some time on their hand which happens once in a while but we always make good use of it.
I say college “kids” because I really don’t think there is much of a difference between a college going student and a kindergarten child when it comes to the creative ability to act totally absurd (but that is a story for another time)

Right now .. lets just stick to the relationship status(es).
The other day I was sitting alone supposedly doing project work ( and the Facebook window (tab) was open! ) when one of my friend (lets name him "1") rang me up and put in the conference call.. saying..

1: "Guys.. Its serious...
Me: "what happened???"
2: "you okay??"
1: "yeah.. yeah.. nothing of that type."
Me: "then??"
1: "I am not able to finish up my part of project work due to this Facebook!"
The other friend ("2") asked..
2: "why??"
1: "I just cant concentrate after i see various relationship status(es) of people!
Me: "Arrrrghh... Dude.. DO your part.. we need to submit the work tomorrow!"
2: "wait re.... haan, you say.. what did you see?"
1: "no no.. chuck that.. tell mw one thing....
2: "hmm..."
1: " Omi.. u there?
Me: "ya.. listening to your bakwaas"
1: "haan.. then what does Facebook say if you try and make a 'three-way relationship'?”
Me: "huh?????"
2: (immediately replies): “Wanna give it a try?”
Me: "lol..."
1: Wow, it really says that?
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I hope you got the joke there and no further explanation is required in this matter. I don’t quite know why, but somehow we ended up spending the rest of the afternoon coming up with various facebook relationship statuses. The list goes something like this:


Single
Sleeping Around
In a Relationship
In a Fight
On a Break
On the Rebound
Love-hate relationship
Trying out the other gender
Engaged
Married
About to Get Divorced
Divorced
Lonely
It's Complicated
Can't Talk About It Right Now
In an Open Relationship
In a Long-Distance 'Disaster'
Deciding Between Two People
Happily Cheating on My Partner
Trying Out the 'No Sex Thing'
Cyber Dating
Ugly

What is your relationship status?
(Perhaps we could add it to the list)


-omi

Domestic Violence

I am ugly. I am disfigured. I have multiple scars of all kinds. Late at night when I strip myself of clothes and look in the mirror, I see all sorts of scars. I have multiple cuts on my legs, a big bruise on my thigh, various burned marks on my upper arms, a few lashes on my back and countless cuts all over. I have a broken rib too that no one knows about. It funny how whenever I examine myself I find a new scar. There had been so many incidents... I can’t remember which one caused which scar. Sometimes I look at one and try to remember if it was the blade, or the belt. I don’t remember if it was a cigarette burn or an iron. The memories are blurred but the pain remains.

I cover myself, as much as I can. So that people don’t see these scars—the scars that don’t seem to fade away. Because when they see, they ask about them and I have to make up stories to tell them. And after a while I even forget which story I made up to go with what scar.

You wonder why I always keep my hair down? I am hiding the bit marks on my neck. That night, I remember he almost pulled my hair out of my head and the next morning he woke up and said, “I don’t remember what happened.”

I remember those nights when I’d run. I would run and hide under the closets, under beds, even under the house. I'd cover my ears while silently screaming my prayers. Sometimes I would get lucky and he would forget all about me. Other times he would find me then I’d be in more trouble. So it was an all or nothing sort of a risk I would take.

The problem is, I can hide some scars, but some, I just can’t. Every time I look at the mirror I see the cut mark on my forehead. I still don’t know what it was that he hit me with that night. I blacked out before I could find out.
And then I see those burnt marks on my hands. I still don’t understand why he put his cigarette on my hand. I was so young back then, what could I have possibly done to be punished like that.

I wanted to run away... I wanted to run away.. but I couldn’t. I was too small, and he was too big. He could scare anyone. I was too ashamed and too scared.

But I am ok now. I left eventually. He would have killed me if i had not have left. I am all better now. But I don’t really know how to get rid of these scars. They stay. Usually I ignore them and go on. That’s how it is. I cover them up. I ignore them. And when I need to know just how human I am, I touch them. I look at them. I remember. And if I remember enough, I cry. Then I ignore them again and go on trying to be happy.


note:
i just tried to pen down the emotions of faceless woman who gets beaten up almost everyday..

-omi

Midnight..

The magic has fled. Time forced itself to flow as it always did and the night turned towards morning's promise. She nearly fainted with exhaustion as her power drained the way it always did with the passing of midnight.

Someday she would find a way to hold onto it. There had to be a way to prevent the fading of the eldritch energy she wielded to keep her place safe. But tonight was another failed attempt.

Weary and heartbroken, she struggled to the bed and crawled into its soft comfort. For another day the fairy queen would fall into rejuvenating sleep. And as night turned to day in the midnight hour, she would attempt once more to cast the spells that would protect her heart.


-omi

nights.....................

वो ही रातोंकी तनहाई है अब तक..
तमन्ना का सफर जारी है अब तक...

Nights intoxicate me. These nights make me say things I regret.
They make me fall in love.
These evil nights. These nights scream and yell.
They inform me of what I don’t have.
They mock me.
They steal my heart. My heart bleeds. Pain encircles the body.
These nights kiss my soul while tearing my remains apart.
These nights strip me off my sanity as I love you viciously... As I fall and cry...
As my skin burns, my eyes are blood-spattered and my lips yearn for the kiss so eternal—for the love so pure.
These nights are sinful. These nights, I hate.
These nights I was never able to escape.
These nights of dismay.
These nights of haunting dreams.
These nights I worship...
These nights I love so passionately...


-omi

rainy nights!

Why does it always rain on nights like this?
It is as if mother nature knows that I want to be somewhere else.

She taunts me with her rain - knowing my desire that if I were just light enough for her wind to carry me to my destination.

You win this time, dear nature, but tomorrow is a new day and I won't be stopped. There is a force carrying me there with much more intent than your pitiful breeze.

Oh rain, you will pass and my fire will still be burning.


-omi

Conversation! # 1 (her perspective)

"तुमने फिरसे बाल कटवा दिये?” he said with surprise and disappoint.
"हां.. देखो ना.. कितने प्यारे लाग रहे हैं ना...” I replied cheerfully swaying my head.
He rolled his eyes.
Ouch, this is going to be hard, I thought.
He was sitting on the sofa browsing TV and I stood in the doorway. I stepped towards the sofa and sat on the floor-- in front of him on my knees such that my face was in front of his. He pretended he didn’t notice. I smiled and came a little closer.
He looked way.
“जाओ ना.. तंग मत करो!” he said, annoyingly.
“एक बार ठीकसे देखो तो सही..” I said giving in.
He looked at me—a serious expression, a frowned brow and lips pressed together.
“You have to admit I look cute with short hair,” I added.
He smiled. You know the kind of smile that you don’t want but it comes out anyway.
“But it’s short” he finally replied.
“It’s not that short, it’s below my shoulders,” I wasn’t going to give in that quickly.
“Ok Mr., here is the deal. This haircut makes your lady happy and when she is happy, she might just make you a very happy man too… IF you know what I mean,” I said with a wink and a very mischievous smile while he tried NOT to smile.
“Ahem… In that case, I suppose I could admit that the bangs on your forehead are kind of sexy,” he said studying my face.
'YES! Now we are talkin’, I thought.
My lips curled into the winner’s smile.
“I look cute, right?”
“You are cute........... regardless, love you darling!” He concluded.


i just love such conversations! <3

-omi

.....

बऱ्याचदा प्रश्न पडतो.. सुख म्हणजे नक्की काय?
मला विचारलंत... तर प्रत्येक क्षण जगण्यासारखा आहे! हा सुद्धा!!!
शुद्ध आणि पवित्र.. धमाल..
तू जेव्हा माझ्या शेजारी बसतेस ना.. काहीतरी नोट्स काढत.. त्या वेगळ्याच पद्धतीनी बसून.. तुझ्या स्टाईल नी.. नजर समोरच्या कागदावर.. मनात वेगळाच विचार.. 'साला हा प्रोब्लेम का सुटत नाहीये..' असं काहीतरी.. तुझं ते.. डोकं खाजवून आठवणं... पेन्सिल दातात धरून विचार करणं..
माझ्या टायपिंगचा आवाज ऐकून तुझ्या कपाळावर आलेली ती हलकी आठी..
मला हा क्षण सुद्धा खूप आवडतोय..
मी तुला distract न करण्याचा खूप प्रयत्न करतो मी.. पण तुझ्या चेहेऱ्यावरचे सतत बदलणारे भाव पाहून मी हरखून जातो.. तू जशी बसली आहेस..
I am just loving it...
हा क्षण कधी संपूच नये असं वाटत राहतं!
काही क्षण असतात.. प्रत्येकाच्या आयुष्यात... जे आयुष्याला एक चौकट देतात...
मला कधी कधी खूप आश्चर्य वाटतं आपल्याकडे बघून.. की या तरुण वयात सुद्धा आपण एकमेकांना इतकं छान समजून घेतो.. काळजी घेतो एकमेकांची.. एखाद्या आजी-आजोबांसारखी..
काही लोकं म्हणतात.. की म्हणे, तरुण जोडप्यांना कायम बोलायला हवं असतं.. सारखं काही ना काहीतरी करायला हवं असतं! तरुणांना शांत बसताच येत नाही..
पण खरं तर जेव्हा नातं प्रौढ होतं तेव्हा या गोष्टींची खरंच गरज भासत नाही..
आणि आपण दोघं त्याच रस्त्यावर आहोत.. प्रौढ नात्याच्या.. आणि इथे.. "वय doesn't matter!!!"
I like it!
माझं मनापासून प्रेम आहे तुझ्यावर.. आणि हे तसंच राहील.. आपण एकत्र राहिलो.. न राहिलो.. पुन्हा एकमेकांना बघितलं अथवा नाही बघितलं तरीही..
.
.
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काल मी हळूच कुशीवर वळलो..
तुला शांत झोप लागली की नाही हे बघायला..
मला खूप आवडतेस तू गाढ झोपलेली... शांत..
पण तू काल तशी नव्हतीस..
एक प्रकारची नाखुशी होती तुझ्या चेहेऱ्यावर!
गाढ झोपलेली असलीस तरी एक प्रकारची वेदना तुला जाणवत होती..
मला खूप काळजी वाटली तेव्हा.. एक रुखरुख लागली.. तुला गाढ शांत झोप लागली की नाही याची..
मला खूप hurt होतं तुला असं बघितलं की..
तुझ्या सगळ्या वेदना मला मिळाव्यात अशी मी मनोमन प्रार्थना करतो..
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.
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असंच एकदा तू ही मला बघतेस.. माझ्या गाढ झोपेच्या वेळेस..
तुला ते जाणवतं की मी खरंच झोपलोय.. की दमलोय.. की कंटाळून डोळे मिटून घेतोय..
पण मी तुला खात्री देतो.. मी खरंच खूप सुखात आहे.. कारण माझ्याकडे "तू" आहेस!
मला खरंच तुझ्याकडून अजून काही नकोय!
कधी कधी वाटतं अशाच क्षणांचं का नाहीये संपूर्ण आयुष्य??
जग बदलतंय.. खूप वेगानी..
म्हणूनच कदाचित.. पण मला तुझ्याबरोबरचा प्रत्येक क्षण जपून ठेवायचा आहे!
कारण माझ्यासाठी हेच सुख आहे!
तू मला कपाळावर थोपटतेस.... आणि मला तशीच छान गाढ झोप लागते.. त्या क्षणीच!
दमलो म्हणून नाही.. शांत झालो.. समाधानी झालो म्हणून..
तू आसपास असलीस ना.. की असंच वाटतं.. शांत.. समाधानी..
पण आता झोपेन मी.. सुखात.. समाधानानी..
आणि माझ्या श्वासातले शब्द कळतील तुला.. तेवढं "mature" आहे आपलं नातं...
“I Love You”.


-omi

Mistake!

The worse mistake we make is leave something good in hopes that there is something better out there for us. And sadly, we make this mistake too often. The truth is, there is always something - someone - better out there for us. Someone who is more compatible, someone who is more beautiful, someone who would fit more into our lives. You can use all the logic in the world and calculate all the compatibilities, and you will see your perfect mate. But would that perfect mate "love" you? Would that perfect mate be near you? Or would that perfect mate will even be available? The answer is... "Perhaps" , but are you really willing to bet on that? Are you willing to set your small loving home on fire in hopes for a big mansion tomorrow which may or may not exist?

And I wish I could tell you to not make this mistakes, to learn from what I have seen. Because I know all too well that once you take that step there is no way of undoing it. But I won't tell you because I get it - I get it that we are selfish, we want it all and the most dangerous thing we want is "More". So I won't tell you not to make this mistake because it is something you know in your heart or you don't.

All I can tell you is that you will make this mistake and you will "surely" regret it.


-omi

A Dream..

Once upon a time there lived a pretty girl called Catherine. She always wore white clothes. One morning a terrible nightmare woke her up and she found herself lying in a dirty and dark jungle surrounded by rotten meat all around. The disgusting smell left her feeling nauseated. She tried to get up but her knees felt weak and her white clothes were full of mud. She just wanted to escape from all this dirty scene not wanting to know what was all this about and how she ended up there. She felt like crying but she had no tears left. She longed for her sweet pup, whose bright eyes used to make her forget all her worries. Crawling, she was trying to get away, she was pushing herself way too much believing that once she reaches where she wants to be, all these efforts will be worth it. And suddenly she saw it! The big brown rosewood door! Beautifully carved, it was a piece of art indeed! It looked very grand with all those shiny brass knobs. She was wondering what would be waiting for her on the other side? Will she be able to breathe clean, fresh air again or will it be worse than her present surrounding? Not knowing what to do, she stood there for a few hours. Then, with a lot of courage she decided to take the risk and softly turned the bass knob. And there it was! She closed her eyes as the sweet, cool breeze ran through her hair. She slightly opened her eyes to look at the bright yellow sunlight. Beautiful green fields with yellow flowers, birds chirping...it made her forget all her pain. She had successfully completed her journey to The Heaven finally!


-omi

you.. just be YOU!

"Just be yourself!!"
how many times in life have we heard this advice?
In a situation where you don't know how to react or simply lose the sanity and logic, somebody who doesn't know what else to do, tells you the ultimate magical words, 'be yourself'!
All so-called self-help books, magazines, cosmetics ads etc etc celebrate 'being yourself', where the irony is, all of these work exactly the opposite way...they tell you how to change your attitude, behaviour, appearance in order to get what you can't possibly get just by being yourself.
What do u mean by being urself? Sit on ur a** with a stubborn attitude of not changing ur screwed up opinions about something or someone?? or is it just a form of laziness not to accept ur own weaknesses and defficiencies, or rather...instead of acknowledging them and trying to work on 'em, just take it as "the way it is"?? So the stuff like self-improvement and growing up as a person, doesnt exist anymore?
I think its a rather misunderstood phrase, one meaning that could be extracted from it is not trying to be someone you are not. But then again, what about following your ideals in life? If somebody wants to be like Mother Teresa or Narayanmurthy, is it still advisable not to try to be someone you are not but you really want to be?


-omi

Maturity...!

What is maturity after all? We hear people call someone mature/childish pretty often. So who defines what maturity is?
I think it is:
01.controlling (not supressing) your emotions
02.being able to prioritize things in life
03.knowing when to shut up and leave
04.knowing what are you doing and where you are going (most of the times)
04.ability to forgive
05.taking pleasure in giving sometimes rather than recieving all the time
06.ability to take a decision and stand by it
07.accepting failures and bouncing back
08.willingness to change something you don't like and to accept something you can't change
08.willingness to change your thoughts and not your basics (I donno whether to call them ethics or morals or principles or watever)

What do u think?


-omi

change!

that was interesting!!!
really!
someone loves for what you are, appreciates the way you live your life and when your with that person, when the love blossoms, he/she expects you to change!!
but seriously, i'm confused, this is strange, people change themselves everyday, every moment, for someone else or something else because you want that someone or something, and when you change, you also change what you like and wat u want!!
and... again the cycle goes on.....
this is called as 'adjustment' or 'compromise'...
life is full of ironies....


-omi

GYPSY.. possibly a correct word for me! :)

Sometimes i feel that im a crazy concoction of multiple personalities....
i have extremely contrast views abt anything..depending on the state of mind....
i love to dream abt future but i also indulge in my past very often....
i donno which side weighs heavier.....
love to be socially active, meet ppl, also like loneliness...donno which is predominant.....
love to be alone with the nature, on the other hand love the fast life in the cities...
again who knows which is more interesting!!!
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life is full of so many choices..i fear i have only one life of limited time and im trying to experience everything in just one life...rather i want to!!
I am like a Gypsy in this endless world...
i'll go wherever it will take me....then do i expect stability??? wat is it anyways?? i dont believe anything is stable...if it looks like, its just the state of 'dynamic equilibrium', things changing on both sides makes u feel like stability...


-omi

its my idea of love.. :)

He wanted to hear her speech at that big conference.
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But he was too ill to take the trip.
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.
.
He didn't let her kiss him cos of the bad viral fever.
.
.
.
As she left, he blew a kiss at her and she threw a pillow back at him.
.
.
.
.
.
his cell phone beeped..
.
.
<1 New Message>
.
.
.
'Muaaaaah. Now, sleep.'


-omi

कधी कधी...

कधी कधी... रुक्षपणाच बरा वाटतो!
कधी कधी... एखादा अंधारा कोपराच छान आपलासा वाटतो!
कधी कधी... रडायचं नसलं तरी डोळ्यातून अश्रू ओघळतात!
कधी कधी... काळजीपोटी आलेले शब्द सुद्धा सुयांसारखे बोचतात!
कधी कधी... स्वप्न भविष्यात मानगुटीवर भुतासारखी बसतात!
कधी कधी... सगळंच सोडून द्यावसं वाटतं!
कधी कधी... आयुष्यात यशापेक्षा खाचखळगेच जास्त आहेत असं वाटतं!
कधी कधी... कितीही काळजी घेतली तरीही पडावंच लागतं!
कधी कधी... आपण जसे आहोत तसे राहणं खूप तोट्याचं असतं!
कधी कधी... खूप खूप एकाकी रहावसं वाटतं!
कधी कधी...


-omi

...! ? !...

Warning: This post may have little or no sense in it.

'What a way to nap!!!' - would have been the thought for those who happened to glance at me in the last few minutes. Being seated in a meditating posture with an empty notepad opened up would make anyone think so. ( as my earlier DP was :D )

I have been under alternating spells of indulgence and ignorance when it comes to my blog. My reduced online presence didnt help much to alleviate the cause. However, most of my chats/replies/statuses were filled with questions about this place.

And so, here am with an open notepad, trying to pen something other than a my so called Philosophies.
As it turns out, I feel that I have become a little rusty with respect to my writing-thought process. There are plenty of topics to write about, from the Obama Visit to the last Indian whitewash (blue wash) to OZs, from the disappointing quality of recent Marathi TV daily soaps to return of the famous TV series like KBC.

But then I realised that I had been staring at the empty notepad for so long with loads of passersby.
You know what they say, 'being busy' is better than 'pretending to be busy'; try it, its tough.
Since staring at the monitor is not considered to be a part of the 'busy' process, I start to type into the notepad.

Within seconds, the surrounding world fades away but for my Facebook which keeps giving notification pings all the time. And there came the shock when I looked at the trending topic - IS SEHWAG BETTER THAN SACHIN? ( Courtsey : India TV or something like that only! )

Shrugging off the diversion, I focus back into typing clear words. Minutes pass by, few paragraphs get written and I stop to review them. Gosh, I begin to realize that this is just another one of those endless 'offbeat-style' rambles... (BEEP)


-omi

झगडणं..

ती दुपार फारच हळू उलगडत होती..
तो ती वेळ कशी जाईल याची वाट पाहत होता..
झगडत होता..
त्या कंटाळवाण्या वेळेशी..
संध्याकाळी "तिला" कुठं भेटायचं? ते यंदा सुट्टी घेऊन कुठे फिरायला जायचं..
हे सगळे विचार सर्रकन त्याच्या मनात येऊन गेले..
तरीही..
तो झगडतच राहिला..
त्या कंटाळवाण्या वेळेशी..
शेवटी तो दमला..
सोडून दिलं त्यानी..
लढणं..
आणि मग..
त्याला शांत झोप लागली!

;)

-omi

एक होता राजा..

एक होता राजा.
एका प्रगत राज्याचा.
किमान ५०% प्रजेला तरी आवडला होता तो.
तसा कौलच दिला होता प्रजेनी!
सगळं सुखात चालू होतं..
आधीच्या राजापेक्षा हा राजा कित्ती कित्ती छान होता माहितेय?
त्याचे खेळाडू बऱ्याच स्पर्धांमध्ये जिंकत होते.
उद्योग भरभराटीला आले होते
सगळं कसं आल-बेल होतं..
सर्व प्रजेवर त्याचा देता "हात" होता!
पण हाच हात नकळत पाठीत धपाटा घालू शकतो हे कोणालाच वाटलं नाही..
आणि फक्त धपाटा नाही.. पाठीत खंजीरही खुपसला गेला.
बेसावध प्रजा.. आणि चतुर राजा..
चतुर? की धूर्त?
परवा परवाच खेळाडूंच्या सत्कारात आनंदात असलेला राजा इतका बदलू शकतो असं वाटलंच नाही!

सन २०००:
स्थळ : कारगील मधल्या एका वीराचं घर.

एवढी माणसं त्याच्या घरात कधीच जमा झाली नव्हती. घरात एवढी माणसं असूनही तिथे खूप शांतता होती. ही सारी माणसं त्याच्या बाबासारखीच होती. युनिफॉर्ममधली माणसं.. त्यांनी कसलीशी मोठ्ठी पेटी घरात आणून ठेवली. त्यांनी त्या पेटीचं झाकण उघडलं नि त्यामध्ये त्याला दिसला त्याच्या बाबाने ज्या झेंडय़ाला कायम सॅल्युट करायला शिकवलं तो तिरंगा. सवयीने त्याने सॅल्युट केला आणि त्याच्या आईने त्याला घट्ट जवळ घेतलं. तो घुसमटला पण आईने त्याला सोडलं नाही. त्याच्या बाबाचा चेहरा दिसता-दिसता मध्येच आईने जवळ घेतल्याने हरवून गेला.. आईने असं का केलं ते त्याला कळलंच नाही.
त्या वेळी तो होता अवघ्या साडे तीन वर्षांचा. त्याला आजूबाजूला नेमकं काय घडतंय काहीच कळत नव्हतं. त्याला फक्त कळत होतं आजूबाजूच्या काही लोकांचं रडणं, काहींचं तटस्थ असणं नि त्याच्या आईचं काहीसं विचित्र शांत असणं. त्याला वेगळंच काही उमगत होतं. आई काही तरी वेगळी वागतेय, आजी-आजोबा सतत रडतायत, घरी खूप पाहुणे आले आहेत, पण एकानेही आपल्यासाठी चॉकलेट आणलेलं नाही, कुणीच हसत नाही, आपल्याला लाडाने उचलून घेत नाही असं बरंच काही, अर्धवट त्याला जाणवत होतं. मग कोणी तरी म्हणालं की, त्याचा बाबा गेला. पण तो कुठे गेला, तो कधी आला होता, मग न भेटता कसा गेला हेच त्याला कळत नव्हतं. आईलाही विचारता येत नव्हतं..

सन २०१०:
स्थळ : त्याच कारगील मधल्या त्याच वीराचं घर.

तो मुलगा आता १२ वर्षांचा झालाय.
आता आपण नवीन घरात राहायला जाणार म्हणून तो खूष आहे!
नवीन मित्र.. नवीन घर.. नवीन रिक्षावाले काका..
आपण कोण आहोत आणि आपल्याला काय करायचं हे त्याला थोडाफार कळतं.
शाळेमध्ये त्याला खूप आदरानी वागवतात.
त्याच्या आईकडून तो त्याच्या वडिलांच्या शौर्यकथा ऐकतो.
आपल्या वीर वडिलांबद्दल त्याला खूप अभिमान आहे.
त्याला सुद्धा सैन्यात जायचंय!
मग त्या दिवशी तो पेपर मध्ये वाचतो!
त्याला काहीच कळत नाही.
तो आईला विचारतो..
आई म्हणते "बेटा, तुला हे घर आवडतं?"
तो होकारार्थी मान डोलावतो.
आई म्हणते, "मग आपण कशाला नवीन घरात जायचं? इथेच राहू! बाबा पण आहेत ना इथे?"
त्याच्या बालमनात असंख्य प्रश्न उद्भवतात..
तो हो म्हणतो..
सवयीप्रमाणे!
२ दिवस नुसता गप्प गप्प असतो तो!
राजा आपल्याशी असं का वागला असं तो आईला विचारतो.
आई म्हणते.. "तो राजा आहे.. तो म्हणेल ते योग्य."


आपण हे सगळं पेपर मध्ये वाचतो..
आपलं रक्त खवळत असतं..
शेगडीवरच्या उकळणाऱ्या चहासारखं!
"अगं.. हे वाचलंस का?
ही "वहाण" आता फेकूनच द्यायला हवी..
फारच बोचायला लागलीय..
मागच्या पेक्षा बरी म्हणून ही आणली.. वाटलं होतं २०१४ पर्यंत टिकेल..
पण हल्लीच्या गोष्टींना ना एक्सपायरी डेट असूनही काही फरक पडत नाही!"
गरम गरम चहा समोर येतो..
मारीचं बिस्कीट नाही का? असं विचारतो. तेही मिळतं!
आपल्याला काय?
त्या सैनिकांच्या नातलगांना घर नाही मिळालं म्हणून मी बोंबाबोंब करून काय उपयोग?
माझं ऐकणार आहे का राजा?

तसंही प्रजेचं कधी ऐकलं म्हणा त्यानी.....

आणि आपला चहा होतो.. अंघोळ आणि पूजा उरकून आपण आपल्या ऑफिस ला पोचतो.
साला तिथे पण हाच विषय.
लंच मध्ये २-४ वाक्यांची "सपट ऑफिस महाचर्चा" रंगते!
आणि नंतर.. दिवाळीचा बोनस कधी येणार हे कळेल का? या वाक्यावर थांबते!
मग राजा ऐवजी बॉस ला थोड्या प्रेमाच्या शिव्या!
दिवस संपतो!

तो १२ वर्षांचा मुलगा मात्र धुमसत असतो..
माझा बाप काही ऐरा गैरा वाटला की काय या राजाला.

तो ठरवतो!
मी पण माझ्या बापासारखाच होणार..
शूर..
आणि आईला नवीन घरात घेऊन जाणार..

ही असते आग...
वाघाचा बछडा सुद्धा वाघच असतो..
आणि तो छातीवरच्या मेडलसाठी नाही.. तर एक सच्चा देशभक्त म्हणून सीमेवर जातो..
आपले देशबांधव सुखात झोपावेत म्हणून!
हा असतो आदर्श..

राजाला त्याची किंमत कदाचित कधीच कळणार नाही..
कितीही वाघांनी कितीही जोरात डरकाळ्या फोडल्या तरी..


-omi

छोट्या पिल्लाची पहिली कविता!

सूर्या, मित्रा तुला एक सांगू का?
राग तर तुला येणार नाही ना?
रविवारी लवकर उठायची गरजच काय?
आमचे असतात ना अंथरुणात पाय!
तुझ्या आगमनाने उठतात माता पिता,
घालतात आम्हाला जोरात लाथा !
प्रसाद मिळाल्यावर मग उठावेच लागते ,
पहाटेच अभ्यासाला मग बसावेच लागते!
मध्येच डुलकी येते छोटी,
थोबाडीत चापटी मिळते मोठी!
खडबडून मग उठावेच लागते,
खरोखरीच पुस्तक वाचावेच लागते!
हाल करायला टपूनच असतोस,
का रे आम्हाला त्रास तू देतोस?
त्यापेक्षा रविवारी जास्त झोपत जा,
नऊ-दहा ला उगवत जा!! :)



निर्मिती - चारुता तेंडूलकर .... :)

भीती..

भीती..
माणसाला आयुष्यात जाणवलेली ही पहिली भावना..
आईच्या पोटात असताना आपण सुखरूप असतो! सेफ असतो! एखादं बाळ जन्मल्यानंतर का रडतं? याचा शोध घ्यायचा प्रयत्न केला तर असं कळलं की त्या सेफ वातावरणातून बाहेर येऊन त्रासात जगायची त्याला भीती वाटत असेल.. स्वत:च्या पायावर उभं राहण्याची, स्वत: सगळं करण्याची भीती.. एक अनामिक भीती..
तेच बाळ जेव्हा २-३ दिवसांचं होतं.. आणि लोकं त्याला बघायला म्हणून येतात.. तेव्हा त्याला स्वतःच्या हातात घेतात.. खेळवतात.. तेव्हा त्या बाळाच्या चेहेऱ्यावर तीच भीती बघायला मिळते! हा जो प्राणी आहे.. जो मला खेळवतोय.. तो मला पाडणार तर नाही ना मला इजा तर होणार नाही ना ही भीती..
माणसाचं आयुष्य असंख्य भीतींनी वेढलेलं आहे..
तसाच जगत असतो माणूस!
ते बाळ अजून मोठं होतं. शाळेत जाऊ लागतं. परीक्षा देऊ लागतं ( आता ८ वी च्या पुढे नाही का परीक्षा!.. श्या.. " आमच्यावेळी असं नव्हतं! पूर्वीसारखी मजा राहिली नाही" : सौजन्य : पु.ल.देशपांडे ) तर.. त्या परीक्षेत कधीतरी कमी मार्क्स पडतात.. ( आम्हाला नेहेमी कमीच पडायचे. :( ) मग कमी मार्क पडले की त्या विषयाची भीती बसते! त्या विषयाच्या पुस्तकाला सुद्धा हात लावावासा वाटत नाही. मग ओब्विअसली त्याचा अभ्यास होत नाही. मग परत मार्क कमी पडतात.. मार्क लिस्ट घरी दाखवायची कशी? हे सगळं दुष्टचक्र सुरु होतं.. ( मला एक अयशस्वी आयडिया सुचली होती.. शाळेत असताना.. मी सांगायचो रिझल्ट लागलाच नाही. नंतर लागेल! पण माझे काही फितूर मित्र होते. ते आगाऊपणा करून घरी फोन करायचे. आणि आई-बाबांपैकी कोणी फोन उचलला.. की मला मार पडणं ठरलेलं असायचं! मग दुसऱ्या दिवशी शाळेत त्या आगाऊ "हितचिंतक" मित्राची धुलाई.. त्याला जर कल्पना आली असेल की हा भडकलाय.. आणि आपली काही खैर नाही.. तर त्याच्याही मनात "भीती"! )
हेच आपलं "बाळ" अजून थोडं मोठं झालं की प्रेमात वगैरे पडतं. मग त्याची "ती" त्याला नाही म्हणली तर? याची भीती..
हो म्हणली तर घरी सांगितल्यावर घरच्यांची काय प्रतिक्रिया असेल.. याची भीती.. त्यांना आवडलं नाही तर? याची भीती..

भीती भीती भीती..
तिला स्पेसिफिक असं रूप नाही. अमूर्त आहे! सगळीकडे आहे!
इंजेक्शनची भीती..
मुलींना केस गळण्याची भीती..
वेगाची भीती..
मृत्यूची भीती..
एखाद्या विशिष्ट प्राण्याची भीती..( मोस्टली "कीटक" )
काहींना उंचीची भीती वाटते!
काहींना अंधारात जायला घाबरायला होतं..
काही पाण्याला भितात..
माझ्या ओळखीचे काही लोक आहेत की जे लिफ्ट मधून जायला घाबरतात. कोंडल्यासारखं वाटतं त्यांना. धाप लागली तरी चालते. पण ते २० मजले पण चढून जातील..
ही काही उदाहरणं आहेत असं म्हणलात तरी चालेल..
ही उदाहरणं सोडून सुद्धा अनेक प्रकारात भीती समोर येते!

आता लिहितोच आहे तर एक केस आठवली..
एक प्रख्यात सायकियाट्रिस्ट आहेत. पुण्यातच असतात. त्यांच्याकडे एक पेशंट आला होता. त्या बिचाऱ्या पेशंटला भीती वाटत होती की कोणीतरी त्यांच्या अंगावर गरम पाण्यात ओला केलेला पंचा टाकणार आहे.. आणि त्यामुळे गुदमरून त्यांचा मृत्यू होणार आहे.
डॉक्टरांनी केस व्यवस्थित समजावून घेतली. त्यांना स्ट्रेस बस्टर गोळ्या दिल्या आणि २ दिवसांनी पुढच्या सिटींगला बोलावलं. २ दिवसांनी डॉक्टर उपाय घेऊन तयार होते पण तरीही त्यांनी त्या पेशंटला पुन्हा असं वाटलं का असं विचारलं. होकारार्थी उत्तर आल्यावर त्यांनी उपाय सांगितला. ते म्हणाले पुन्हा जर तुम्हाला असं वाटलं तर तो जो कोणी आहे.. त्याला ओला पंचा टाकू दे.. तुम्ही तुमच्या हातानी तो बाजूला करून टाका..

तुम्हाला खरं नाही वाटणार.. पण तो पेशंट २ दिवसात खडखडीत बरा झाला.
खरं सांगायचं झालं, तर भीती हा एक मनाचा खेळ आहे.. आणि थ्रील हवं म्हणून सुद्धा लोकं आपणहून भीती वाटेल असं काहीतरी बघतात. हॉरर सिनेमे बघण्यामागे हेच कारण असतं!
प्रत्येकाला कसली ना कसली तरी भीती वाटतच असते!
मला सुद्धा भीती वाटते.. माझे जवळचे लोकं मला सोडून गेले तर माझं कसं होणार असं वाटतं.

माझ्या मते.. काहीही झालं तरी आपल्या रोजच्या दिनचर्येवर या भीतीचा परिणाम होता कामा नये!
हार्ट बीट वाढवून घ्यायची.. ते थ्रील एन्जॉय करायचं!
घाबरायचं.. पण.. एका प्रमाणात..!

क्योंकी डर के आगे जीत है!


finally...
the vote of thanks!
Mr.Amit Karve.. for giving me an excellent topic to write on!
i really enjoyed Amit! ( मला कर्व्या असं म्हणायचंय )


-omi

being spiritual....!

मी श्रद्धाळू वगैरे नाहीये.. आणि होण्यासाठी माझ्यावर कधी कोणी बंधन पण आणलं नाही! म्हणूनही असेल कदाचित.. पण मंदिरामध्ये ( किंवा कुठल्याही प्रार्थना-स्थळाला ) जाणं हे कधीच "रुटीन टास्क" नव्हतं!
पण अशी ठिकाणं मला शांततेची अनुभूती देतात! त्यांच्यात एक अद्भुत शक्ती असते.. माझा तसा डायरेक्टली देवावर विश्वास नाहीये.. म्हणजे तो मंदिरातच ( किंवा कुठल्याही प्रार्थना-स्थळामध्ये) राहतो.. या गोष्टीवर विश्वास नाहीये.. किंवा तो कुठल्या स्पेसिफिक मूर्ती मध्ये असतो.. असंही मला वाटत नाही!
पण माझं एक मत आहे.. "तो" शक्य त्या रूपात येऊन कायम मदत करत असतो!
प्रत्येकाची देवाची एक कन्सेप्ट असते! काही लोकं ध्यान-धारणा करतात! काही मूर्तीपूजा करतात! काहींना स्वत:च्या पालकांमध्ये देव दिसतो.. ( a genuine clap for such people! hats off! ) आणि अजून बऱ्याच ठिकाणी..! आणि मी खूपच लहान आहे.. माणसाला माहित असलेल्या देवाचं ( रादर, देव या शक्तीचं) अस्तित्व कुठे कुठे आणि कसं कसं आहे हे जाणून घेण्यासाठी!
माझ्यासाठी देव मनात असतो! आत्म्यात असतो! आपला आत्मा आपला देव! ( आपली बोली.. आपला बाणा! :) )
खरं तर आपण एखादी प्रार्थना करतो.. आपल्याला काहीतरी मिळावं म्हणून! तेव्हा ती प्रार्थना स्वत:साठी असते! आपला कॉन्फिडन्स बूस्ट व्हावा.. आणि पण ज्याच्यासाठी प्रयत्न करतोय.. ते काम आपल्याकडून बिनबोभाट पूर्ण व्हावं.. म्हणून.. आणि जर कदाचित काही अडचणी आल्याच, तर त्या पार करण्याची आपल्याला ताकद मिळावी.. म्हणून.. आपण स्वत:शीच प्रार्थना करतो! स्वत:तल्या देवाशी संवाद साधतो!
ते प्रसिद्ध वाक्य वाचलं / ऐकलं असेलच नं??? "देव त्यांचीच मदत करतो जे स्वत:ची मदत करतात!"
आपल्याला एखादी गोष्ट मनापासून हवी असेल.. आणि आपण त्यासाठी कठोर परिश्रम घेतले.. तर तो स्वत:च्या कामावरचा विश्वास.. एका यश म्हणून दिसून येतो.. आणि आपण त्याला "आश्चर्य" / "चमत्कार" असं काहीतरी म्हणतो!
सोप्या भाषेत सांगायचं तर......
इतनी शिद्दत से मैने तुझे पाने की कोशिश की है |
की हर जर्रे ने मुझे तुमसे मिलाने की साझीश की है |
हेच खरं आहे!
पण आता.. मूळ प्रश्न जरा बाजूलाच राहतो!
हे जग झालं कसं तयार? ही शक्ती आली कुठून नक्की? देव आत्म्यात राहतो वगैरे सगळं ठीक आहे हो.. पण हा आत्मा तयार तरी कोणी केला?
काही प्रश्न अनुत्तरीतच राहतात! कधी कधी राहिलेलेच चांगले!
जसं जसं माझं वय वाढत जाईल तसा कदाचित यावरचा विश्वास बदलत जाईल.. मी सनातनी नाही.. आणि परिस्थितीनुसार विचारांमध्ये फरक जाणवू शकतात!
म्म्म्म...
मी खूप "तत्वज्ञान" पाजाळतोय नं!
देवा काय होतंय मला..?
ओमी.. असा नाहीयेस तू.. बेअरिंग सोड...
देवा.. लेकराची मदत कर रे बाबा!


-omi

why....???????

Why are we lonely when sad..?
Why cant we hit back when things go bad..?
Why do we love what we cant get..?
Why do we remember what others forget..?

Why can't we sleep when we are most tired..?
Why can't we rebel when required..?
Why can't we hug when we love so much..?
Why can't we dream with a tender touch..?

Why do we live when we have to die..?
Why does love make us cry..?
Why doesn't the phone ring when we want it to..?
Why do we love all things new..?

Why cant we answer when we know everything..?
Why are we quiet when the heart wants to sing..?
Why do we sleep when we have miles to cover..?
Why always becomes NEVER...?

Every why has a "because"
Then why ask with such a pause
When mind wanders in an unknown space
Let nature guide and we follow the pace


-omi

२१ अपेक्षित! ;)

१. माझं स्वत:वर प्रेम आहे!! हो.. खूप! आणि अजून सांगायचं झालं तर मी स्वत:बद्दल खूप विचार करतो! तर.. हा ब्लॉग तुम्हाला (काय म्हणतात ते कोण रोमन का ग्रीक पुराणात? नारसीसिस्ट?? ) नारसीसिस्ट वाटला तर सरप्राईज वगैरे वाटून घेऊ नका! ("इतका" वाईट नसेल कदाचित!)
२. मी मित्र निवडताना आता खूप काळजी-पूर्वक निवडतो! कारण आता जे माझे मित्र असतील.. ते सगळेच माझे बेस्ट फ्रेंड्स आहेत! सगळे तेवढेच जवळचे आहेत! :)
३. मी किमान माझ्या बद्दलची सिक्रेट्स पोटात ठेऊ शकत नाही.. [ संदर्भ : ओपन बुक पॉलिसी.. काय करू? नाही बदलत आहे माझा स्वभाव! :( ]
४. मला बऱ्याचदा माझ्याकडे असलेल्या गोष्टी मिरवायला आवडतात.. गोष्टी .. व्यक्ती.. सगळंच!
५. पण मला दिखावू पार्टीज आवडत नाहीत! अजिबात नाहीत.. मिरवा.. पण दिखावूगिरी करू नका..
[ ई.जी. : बायको "मिरवावी" पण गर्लफ्रेंड फिरवण्याचा "दिखावूपणा" असावा*! ;)
* : हे माझं वैयक्तिक मत आहे! :P ]
आणि मला नाही वाटत अशी एखादी पार्टी माझ्याकडून दिली जाईल.. की.. "या.. माझं वैभव बघा!!! "मी" "कसं" आणि "काय काय" कमावलंय ते.." असा काहीतरी बोलणं! छे!
६. मला वेळेचं, शिस्तीचं बंधन पाळायला जाम आवडतं! कधी कधी स्वतःचा राग येतो! ( माझ्या वेळेवर.. रादर वेळेच्या आधी जाण्याच्या सवयीमुळे माझा बराच वेळ वाया जातो.. बऱ्याचदा! )
७. मला हसायला आवडतं! ( हे वाक्य "चिंटू (सौजन्य : 'सकाळ' आणि प्रभाकर वाडेकर आणि चारुहास पंडित )) मी बऱ्याचदा हसत-मुखच असतो. आणि खोटी स्माईल देणारे लोकं माझ्या विशेष डोक्यात जातात!
८. काही ठराविक लोकं सोडले.. तर बाकीच्यांना मी खूप हुशार आहे असा "वाटतं".. ( मी नाहीये! आणि हे "त्या" लोकांना कळू नये हाच माझा अट्टाहास आहे! ;) )
९. मला माझं कौतुक झालेलं आवडतं! पण कोणी खरीच कॉमप्लीमेंट दिली तर ती मला खरी वाटत नाही! :O
१०. मी कोणाला दुखावला.. तर मला रात्रीची झोप येत नाही.. पण जरा मला कोणी दुखावलं तर मी त्यांना सोडत नाही.. ( म्म्म्म.. सोडलंय ?? नाही... कन्फर्म नाही ! )
११. मला माझे सगळेच विचार बोलून दाखवता येत नाहीत.. कदाचित त्यामुळेच मी ब्लॉग, कविता ( मी "कवी" कॅटेगरी मधला कवी नाही) असा काहीबाही लिहीत असतो!
१२. मी लेखकही नाही.. पण एक किमान चांगला लेखक होण्याची इच्छा नक्कीच आहे.. ( मी कॉन्फिडन्स मध्ये मार खातोय इथे!)
१३. मी माझ्या "फर" बद्दल खूप पझेसिव आहे.. ( जोक्स अपार्ट..) पण मी माझं दृष्टीकोन हे माझं "असेट" आहे! म्हणून माझ्या ब्लॉगचं नाव "Panorama" असं ठेवण्यामागे तोच उद्देश होता!
१४. माझा पहिला सो कॉल्ड क्रश मी माझ्या बेंचमेट बरोबर शेअर केला होता! आणि आता मी ते सगळं मिस करतोय... शाळा.. आय लव यू!
१५. मला मल्टी टास्किंग व्यवस्थित जमतं!
१६. मी दिवसाचे २४ तास झोपू शकतो.. झोपून लोकांना बोर कसं होऊ शकतं??
१७. माझ्या हातावर नशीब-रेषा नाही.. तरीही माझ्यासोबत विचित्र गोष्टी घडू शकत नाहीत.. त्यामुळे मी बॉर्न-लकी आहे! (बहुतेक! पण माझा हृदय डावीकडेच आहे! :P ;) )
१८. चांगल्या कर्मावर माझा विश्वास आहे! आपण जे करतो.. ते लगेच आपल्याला परत मिळतं.. मग तो ब्लॉग असू दे.. किंवा फेसबुकचं स्टेटस.. मी लिहितो.. तुम्ही कॉमेंट करता.. बरोबर?
१९. मला एक रेसिपी बुक लिहायचं आहे.. आणि मला ते माझ्या बायकोला गिफ्ट करायचं आहे! यू कॅन से.. इट्स अ वाइल्ड फेटीश!
२०. मी खूप रोमांटिक आहे! रिलेशनशिप मध्ये असताना मला आठवणींचे माइल स्टोन जपून ठेवायला आवडतात!
२१. मला हे लिहायला २ दिवस लागले. मला असं प्रदर्शन मांडायला आवडत नाही.. त्यांनी माझाबद्दल आडाखे बांधावेत.. पण कदाचित मी माझा खरा चेहेरा असाच दाखवू शकतो!


-omi

ऑप्टीमीजम..

हल्लीच मी जरा ओब्जर्व केलं.. लोकं खाण्यापिण्याच्या बाबतीत जरा जास्तच जागरूक वगैरे झालेत.. दिवसाची सुरुवात सुमारे १ लिटर पाण्यानी होते.. आणि दिवस संपतो एका अत्यंत नीरस अशा इविनिंग वॉक नी.. आणि सोबतीला फळं, सूप्स, सलाड, ते डाळी असतात नं.. त्याला इंग्रजी मध्ये सिरेअल्स (cereals : माझा उच्चार चुकलाय बहुतेक :| ) वगैरे म्हणतात नं तसलं काहीतरी.. आणि मग ते.. "योगा", ( भारतीय लोकं "योग" म्हणायचं सोडून पाश्चात्यांसारखा योगा असा का उच्चार करतात? योगदेवताच जाणे..) पळणं ( की पळापळ?) आणि वेगवेगळे एक्जरसाईज हा डेली रुटीनचा भाग झालेत..
पण का कोणास ठाऊक.. इतकं सगळं करूनसुद्धा.. आपलं आयुष्य तसंच राहतं मरगळलेलं.. कंटाळवाणं..
आरसा आपल्याकडे बघून काय बोलतो याचा अंदाज घेत बसतो आपण.. आणि मग.. मूळ गाभाच विसरला जातो.. जगण्याचा..
"बेचव" ( चव नसणे म्हणजे 'बेचव'च नं? की वाईट चव म्हणजे 'बेचव'?) तर "बेचव" या शब्दाला साजेसा दुधीभोपळ्याचा एक ग्लास ज्यूस प्यायलो की आपल्याला वाटतं.. झाssssलं आजचं काम.. ( खरं तर.. माझ्या मते.. दुधीभोपळा हा प्रकार "हलवा" किंवा "कोफ्ते" करून खाण्याचा आहे.. पण.. काय आता.. जाऊ दे..) तर सांगण्याचा मुद्दा हा.. की आपल्याला जोपर्यंत तो बेचव ज्यूस चवीनी पिता येणार नाही.. स्वतःच्या इच्छेनी.. ( डॉक्टर किंवा डाएटीशीअन नी सांगितलं म्हणून नाही) तोपर्यंत तो ज्यूस अंगी लागणार नाही.. ( अक्चुअलि अंगी लागलायला नकोच आहे.. नाही का? :P ) त्याहूनही महत्वाचं.. चेहेऱ्यावरची फक्त एक स्मितरेषा या सगळ्या प्रश्नांचं उत्तर देऊ शकते.. आणि ही "खरीखुरी स्माईल" दिवसभर जर चेहेऱ्यावर असेल.. तर मग काय विचारायलाच नको..
सगळा मनाचा खेळ आहे हो.. आपण आपल्या आयुष्याच्या प्रेमात पडलो.. की ते सुंदर दिसणारच आहे.. रादर असणारच आहे.. आणि अगदीच.. जर नसलं.. आणि आपण म्हणत राहिलो.. तर ते खरंच सुंदर वाटायला लागतं.. ( "आल इज वेल" इफेक्ट.. ;) ) मी खरंच हा प्रकार करून बघितला.. छान वाटतं..
एखाद्या "टफ" फेज मधून जाताना.. समोर यशाचं शिखर व्यवस्थित दिसत असेल.. तर त्या कष्टांनाही "व्हावसं" वाटतं.. ते शिखर पादाक्रांत केल्यानंतर.. कोणी आपलं एक घट्ट मिठी मारणार असेल.. शाबासकीची थाप मिळणार असेल.. तर तो काट्यांनी भरलेला रस्तासुद्धा सोपा वाटायला लागतो..
आयुष्याबद्दल "किटकिट" करणाऱ्या लोकांना तर एक ठेवून द्यावीशी वाटते.. जे जगतायत त्यांना पण नीट जगू देत नाहीत.. कसंय.. प्रत्येकाच्या आयुष्यात प्रॉब्लेम्स येत असतात.. इथे कोणीच राजकन्येसारखा मऊ पिसांचा किंवा फुलांचा बिछाना घेऊन झोपत नाही.. आणि मी खरंच खोटं खोटं सांत्वनपर बोलू शकत नाही.. खोटी स्माईल तर त्याहून नाही.. स्वतःचा रस्ता स्वतः नाही शोधला तर कसं होणार??!!
आणि माझा रस्ता मला माझं मन दाखवतं.. माझ्याजवळ आज आता काय नाही.. याचा विचार नाही करत बसत मी.. आयुष्यावर प्रेम करायचं.. आणि देवाचे आभार मानायचे.. इतकं छान आणि धडधाकट आयुष्य दिलं म्हणून.. माझं आयुष्य सुंदर आहे.. आणि कालच्या पेक्षा आज जास्त छान आहे..
आणि हो.. मी हे मुद्दाम बोलत नाहीये.. खरंच आतून आलंय*! (burrrp :P :D )
* : "कंडीशन्स अप्लाय".. कधी कधी मनाला फोर्स करावा लागतो.. पण आता.. माझं मन तितकं सुदृढ आहे.. झालंय.. केलंय..
काही काही लोकांना हा सगळा फालतूपणा वाटतो..
तुमच्याकडे २ पर्याय आहेत..
१. या ऑप्टीमीजमला क्रीटीसाईज करणं आणि त्यावर उपरोधिक शेरे मारत बसणं..
२. आयुष्यात मस्त सकारात्मक दृष्टीकोन ठेवणं.. ती एनर्जी घेणं.. आणि रोज रिचार्ज होत राहणं..
आणि मी वर म्हणलं तसं.. संध्याकाळी फक्त "snacks" खाऊन तुम्ही किती "उपाशी" राहताय.. या पेक्षा तुम्ही कसं "जगताय" हे जास्त महत्त्वाचं आहे..
म्हणलं नं.. मनाचा खेळ आहे..
ऑप्टीमीजम स्वीकारा.. आयुष्यभर आनंदी रहा..
टिंग टिंग टीणींग :D :D


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आठवणी...

आठवणी... कधी हसू.. तर कधी आसू.. आणि जर आत्ता आपण एक सुखद वर्तमान भोगत असू.. तर याच आठवणी सगळ्या छान गोष्टी आणून देतात.. आपल्याला अजून आनंदात बघण्यासाठी..
एक काळ असा होता जेव्हा मला भूतकाळ आणि भविष्य काळाबद्दल विचार करायला उगाच आवडायचं.. मी सगळ्या आठवणी जपून ठेवायचो.. कधीतरी पुन्हा जगण्यासाठी.. उगाच भविष्याचा विचार करून तो काळ आनंदाचा आणि सुखाचा असेल का याचा विचार करत बसायचो.. अशा काही गोष्टी होत्या.. की त्या माझ्याकडे असतील.. असं कधीच वाटलं नाही.. आणि अशा काही गोष्टी होत्या.. की ज्या माझ्यापासून दुरावतील असा स्वप्नात सुद्धा वाटलं नाही.. जशा हव्या होत्या तश्या गोष्टी मिळत गेल्या.. "त्याचे" मन:पूर्वक आभार!
मग भूतकाळ आणि भविष्यकाळाचा नुसता विचार करून माझ्या वर्तमानात काहीच फरक पडणार नाहीये हे कळलं... 'जे होईल ते होईल..' असा एक 'मोटो' घेऊन मी जगायला सुरुवात केली.. आणि मी खरंच एक सुखी, आनंदी माणूस झालो..
आजच मी काही माझ्याच कविता आणि लिहून ठेवलेले कागद वाचले.. एका डायरी मधले.. प्रत्येक शब्दात माझ्या मनाचं प्रतिबिंब दिसलं.. तेव्हाचं प्रतिबिंब.. क्षणार्धात समोर आलेल्या त्या सगळ्या आठवणी.. विचित्र घटना.. अस्वस्थ करून गेल्या.. आणि छान आठवणी चेहेऱ्यावर हास्याची एक लकेर देऊन गेल्या.. आणि मग तिथे तो काळ थांबला.. काही क्षण अक्षरश: स्तब्धतेत गेले..
आणि मग लक्षात आलं.. हाच तो काळ.. जेव्हा मी ठरवलं की त्या भूतकाळ आणि भविष्यकाळाचा विचार करायचा नाही. तेव्हाच मी खरं तर आयुष्य "जगायला" सुरुवात केली....
पण याचा अर्थ असा तर होत नाही नं.. की आपण फक्त अश्याच घटना लिहितो की ज्या आपल्याला पुन्हा पुन्हा जगाव्याश्या वाटतात??
सगळ्याच आठवणी "शब्दबद्ध"!
मी अजून २५ वर्षांचा सुद्धा नाही.. पण माझ्या काही आठवणी खरंच पुसल्या गेल्यात.. आणि जेव्हा तेच शब्द कानी पडतात.. किंवा वाचले जातात.. तेव्हा मात्र मला सगळं व्यवस्थित आठवतं..

म्हणजे या सगळ्या विस्कळीत पसाऱ्यातून कदाचित मला असं काहीतरी म्हणायचंय.. की
"आठवणी जपून ठेवायच्या असतील तर त्या मनात जपून ठेवाव्यात.."
थोडंसं जरी डोकं खाजवलं.. की हवी असलेली आठवण पुन्हा एकदा जगायला आपण तयार! खरंच सगळं लिहायला घेतलं तर पुन्हा फक्त नको असलेल्याच आठवणी येतील मनात.. या सगळ्याचा विचार करत बसण्याइतकं मोठं नाहीये आपलं आयुष्य..
आणि आपण असा विचार केला तर..
"आज"चा दिवस हा सगळ्यात छान दिवस आहे.. जगा..!


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एक नातं.. विस्कटून टाकलेलं..

काही नाती प्रयत्नांनी जमवलेली, काही नाती सहज जुळलेली.. पण प्रत्येक नात्यामध्ये चढ-उतार हा असतोच.. कधी काही चढ-उतार पटकन पार होणारे तर कधी ते पार करायला खूप वेळ लागतो. काही उतार कधी पारच करता येत नाहीत. ते उतरतच जातात आणि अशा उतारावरून चालताना किंबहुना वेगाने घसरताना वाटेवरचं सारं विस्कटून टाकावंसं वाटतं. दुसरं हातात करण्यासारखं काहीच नसतं म्हणून विस्कटावंसं वाटतं आणि ते हळूहळू विस्कटताना बघवत नाही म्हणून एकाच फटक्यात सारं संपवून मोकळं व्हावंसं वाटतं. समोरच्याकडून डाव मोडू नये अशी अपेक्षा करताना त्याने मोडलेला डाव पाहायला लागू नये म्हणून स्वत:च सजवलेला डाव मोडला जातो. त्यानंतर सारं उधळून पावलं निघून जातात दूर कुठेतरी.
समोरच्याने उधळायच्या आधी, त्या भीतीपोटी असे किती डाव उधळले यांचा हिशोब नाही. कदाचित त्या भीतीला तोंड देताना फार जखमा होऊ नयेत म्हणून त्यावर हा नकळतपणे शोधलेला उपाय असावा. तरी प्रत्येक डाव उधळल्यावर तो डाव उधळला गेल्याबद्दल धाय मोकलून रडणं, त्याच्या प्रत्येक क्षणांच्या आठवणी अनंत काळ आठवत बसणं या गोष्टी आपसूकच पायवाटा शोधत मागे मागे बराच काळ चालत राहिल्या.. कधी कॉफीच्या ग्लासमधून, कधी भटकायला गेल्यावर एखाद्या छानशा pattern च्या दगडातून, कधी वाचलेल्या एखाद्या लेखातून, कधी कवितेच्या ओळीतून.. त्यांच्यापासून पिच्छा नाही सोडवता आला.. तो पिच्छा सुटावा म्हणून मग माझं परत मला दे, तुझं परत तू घेऊन जा, काहीच नको मागे उरायला अशी वाटणी करावीशी वाटली.. मनाला समाधान मिळावं म्हणून पै-पैशांचा हिशोब करावासा वाटला.. द्यायला-घ्यायला जेव्हा काहीच नव्हतं तेव्हा तर पहिल्या भेटीपूर्वीचे दिवसही परत आणून दे अशी मागणी केली गेली.. रडत-ओरडत नवा-जुना सगळा हिशोब तराजूमध्ये घालून त्याची परतफेड केली गेली. पण हे असं संपताना, असं काही जीवाभावाचं तुटताना एक पोकळी दाटत गेली. खूप धरावीशी वाटूनही वाळू कशी निसटून गेली कळलं नाही.
पण frankly.. ही वाळू प्रत्येक वेळी जेव्हा पूर्ण निसटून गेली ना तेव्हा एक प्रकारची शांती मिळाली मनाला... खरंच.. असं कसं घडलं कळलं नाही पण त्या पोकळीमध्ये शांतता अनुभवता आली. कदाचित मैत्री टिकवण्याची ओढाताण संपल्याचं समाधान असेल, कदाचित विस्कटण्याच्या काळामध्ये झालेली घुसमट थांबल्याचं समाधान असेल, कदाचित झालेल्या मान-अपमानांच्या परतफेडीचं समाधान असेल, कदाचित आता असे मान-अपमान होणार नाहीत याच्या खात्रीचं समाधान असेल, कदाचित असं उशीत तोंड खुपसून रात्र-रात्र रडायला लागणार नाही याचं समाधान असेल.. शोध लागला नाही कधी.. पहिल्यांदा जेव्हा अशी शांतता अनुभवली तेव्हा स्वत:चंच खूप आश्चर्य वाटलं. "भावना, संवेदनशीलता नावाचा प्रकार आहे का आपल्यात?" हेच कळेना. पण नंतर एकदा शोध लागला की वादळानंतरही शांतता असतेच की. त्यानंतर स्वत:चं पहिल्याइतकं आश्चर्य वाटेनासं झालं. तेवढी मॅच्युरिटी, डिप्लोमसी, मॅनिप्युलेशन अंगात भिनलं...

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मूर्खपणा.. माझाच...

एका छान प्रवासाला निघालेलो होतो आपण, फारशी ओळख नसलेले प्रवासी होतो. कुठे जायचं, कसं जायचं, कुठे थांबायचं काहीच माहीत नव्हतं. फक्त प्रवास करायचा मनसोक्त, एवढंच ध्येय होतं. खूप छान सुरू होता प्रवास. या प्रवासातच तुझी थोडीशी अधिक ओळख झाली. याच रस्त्यावर कधीतरी कळलं की तू काळजीही घेऊ शकतेस.. तू प्रेमळही आहेस हे त्या आधी कधी समजलंच नव्हतं... अशी नवी ओळख होता-होताच एक दिवस अचानक जाणवलं की भरकटलोय आपण... न ठरवलेला प्रवास करताना भरकटायची भीती तर होती पण तरी निभावून नेता येईल असा विश्वास होता... मात्र खरोखरच अशी परिस्थिती आली आणि त्यानंतर काहीच समजेना, कुठे जायचं रस्ताच कळेना.. रस्त्यात सांडत चाललेल्या आठवणी जपायला खूप धमाल येते खरं तर मला. फारशा महत्त्वाच्या नसतात त्या, पण एखादा क्षण मात्र खूप प्रफुल्लित करतात आणि मग तो दरवळ अधूनमधून शिंपडला जातो जगण्यावर. आता हा दरवळ तू का नाकारतीयेस ते नाही कळत. तो आपल्या दोघांच्याही आयुष्याला आनंदाने चिकटलेला असतानाही उचकटून फेकून द्यायचा प्रयत्न करते आहेस.. तुझा हा नकारात्मक आविष्कार पाहिल्यावर मग मलाही वाटत राहतं की हा सुखावणारा दरवळ आजूबाजूला नांदू नये..
कशी आहेस ना तू! एखाद्या गोष्टीमध्ये गुंतत जातेस आणि तो गुंता तुला सोडवता येणार नाही असं कळल्यावर सारं विस्कटून, छान क्षणांना तुडवून निघून जातेस... तुझं हे रूप तसं परिचयाचं होतं. तुझं असं सारं सोडून पळून जाणं अधून-मधून दिसायचं. ते सवयीचंही झालं होतं तरी आवडलं मात्र कधीच नाही. तू केवळ स्वत:ला सोयीस्कर जगणं कधी रुचलं नाही मला. स्वार्थी पण नाही म्हणता येत या वागण्याला.. या प्रवासात भरकटल्यावर हे पुन्हा जाणवलं. खूप एकटं वाटलं तेव्हा. तू सोबत असतानाही तू नाहीस सोबत, असं वाटलं. असा जाणूनबुजून धोक्याचा प्रवास का करतोय मी तुझ्यासोबत, जिथे तू सहज पळून जाशील मला एकट्याला सोडून, असं वाटलं. तुझ्याशी बोलायचा खूप प्रयत्न केला पण तू भरकटलेला रस्ता पुन्हा योग्य मार्गाशी कसा जोडला जाईल याचा विचार करण्यात गुंतलेली, त्यामुळे मला काय वाटतंय याकडे लक्ष द्यायला वेळच नव्हता तुला. नेहमीप्रमाणेच तुला हव्या त्या गोष्टीला महत्त्व देऊन तुला हव्या त्याच प्रश्नांची उत्तरं शोधायचा तुझा प्रयत्न सुरू होता. मग माझे प्रश्न अनुत्तरितच राहिले. मग मात्र माझा धीर संपला. अंधार.. केवळ अंधार.. सगळेच दरवाजे बंद झाल्याचा भास झाला मला...
आणि मग मी शहाणा झालो... उगाच उठसुठ "ओपन बुक" आहोत हे सगळ्यांना सांगायचा नाही असा ठरवलंय मी आता.. ओपन बुक आयुष्य जगलो नं कि कोणीही येऊन माझ्या आयुष्यावर रेघोट्या मारून जातं.. त्या रेघोट्यांनी ते "बुक" छान होणार असेल तर ठीक आहे.. पण तसं प्रत्येक वेळी होतंच असं नाही नं.. आणि ओपन बुक जगलो नाही.. की मी आतल्या गाठीचा आहे.. अशी बोंबाबोंब करायला लोकं मोकळे.. शी.. मूर्खपणा नुसता.. तुझ्यावर विश्वास ठेवला हीच मोठी चूक.. माझीच.. ( कारण अजूनही.. 'तू चुकलीस' हे म्हणायला मन धजावत नाही.. काय करणार.. तू नसलं केलंस.. तरी मी तुझ्यावर खरं प्रेम केलं "होतंच" नं.....)....


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पाऊस.. मनातला.. जगलेला..

धो-धो कोसळणारा पाऊस आता जरासा आटोक्यात येईल. मग भिजायला अजूनच मज्जा येईल. भिजताना क्वचित बिल्डिंगच्या आड एखादं इंद्रधनुष्यही दिसेल. लहानपणी चित्रकलेच्या गृहपाठाच्या वहीमध्ये दर वर्षी अपरिहार्यपणे विराजमान होणारा डोंगर, त्याच्यामागून डोकावणारं इंद्रधनुष्य, त्या डोंगराच्या पायथ्याशी असलेलं लहानसं घर असं चित्र मग प्रत्यक्षात उतरण्याची आस लागते..
किमान आयुष्यातले काही दिवस तरी हे स्वप्न प्रत्यक्षात जगता यावं यासाठी मग धुवाँधार पावसामध्ये चिंब भिजलेल्या डोंगरांच्या हाकेला ओ दिली जाते. कोसळणाऱ्या पावसाच्या माऱ्याने बिचकलेली काही नवखी पावलं डोंगरवाटांच्या शोधार्थ बाहेर पडतात. आजूबाजूच्या हिरवळीवर श्रावणाने सजवलेला सोनहिरवा रंग बघत ट्रेनची चाकंही सुसाट वेगाने धावायला लागतात. अनंत क्षणांनी निसरडय़ा प्लॅटफॉर्मच्या बाजूला मग ट्रेन काही क्षण विसावते. भान हरपून आजूबाजूचं देखणं रूप पिऊन घेते. तोवर वीस-बावीस मातकटलेले शूज प्लॅटफॉर्मवर उतरतात. त्या शेड नसलेल्या प्लॅटफॉर्मवर उतरता क्षणीच दूर दिसणारी डोंगरांची रांग हलकेच हसायला लागते. पावलं सुसाटतात. डोंगराखालच्या गावाच्या वेशीपर्यंत पोहोचेपर्यंत जलधाराही रिमझिमत अवतरतात.. मग त्या नितळ थेंबांकडून छान पारंपरिक पद्धतीने स्वागत होतं. मळकटलेले शूज जरा स्वच्छ दिसायला लागतात. मळकटलेलं मनही चिखल पुसून स्वच्छ होतं. तसं ते हिरवळीचा वास यायला लागल्यावरच निर्मळ झालेलं असतं. तरी, गावातल्या टुमदार घरांच्या छपरावर उन्हासोबत गप्पा मारत बसलेला श्रावण पाहिला की मग ते पावसाच्या धारांइतकं शुभ्र होतं. तसं शुभ्र मन, पूर्वीपेक्षाही अधिक ओढीने डोंगरांच्या कुशीत शिरू बघतं आणि डोंगरही आपुलकीने त्याला कुशीत घेतो.
आंजारणाऱ्या-गोंजारणाऱ्या फांद्यांमधून रस्ता शोधत, नव्या धबधब्यांमध्ये भिजत पाय डोंगरमाथ्यावरच्या निसरडय़ा कडय़ाच्या अगदी जवळ जातात. मोकळ्या आभाळाखाली जाऊन पाऊस वेचत खालचं जग पाहण्याचा अनुभव केवळ भन्नाट असतो.. आजूबाजूला जिथे नजर जाईल तिथे ताजीतवानी झालेली झाडं दिसतात. येणाऱ्या प्रत्येक वाऱ्याच्या झुळुकेसोबत हिरवळीचं एक नवं पातं तरारून उठताना दिसतं. आषाढमाऱ्यामुळे बावरलेली इवली फुलं श्रावणामधला तजेलदार, चमकता पाऊस अंगाखांद्यावर पांघरून बसतात. प्रत्येक सरीचा प्रत्येक थेंब स्वत:साठी गवतावर हक्काची जागा पटकावून तासन् तास झोके घेत राहतो. हे सारं जादूच्या चौकटीत बंद करून कायमचं जवळ बाळगावंसं वाटतं, पण तशी चौकट अजून तरी कुठे तयार झालेली नाही. म्हणून मग ते सारं कॅमेऱ्याच्या चौकटीत बंद होतं. डोंगरउतारावर नजाकतीने वसलेली, भिजणारी, कधी कुडकुडणारी, कधी कुडकुडल्यावर उन्हामध्ये स्वत:ला सुकवणारी खालची इवली-इवली घरंही कॅमेऱ्याच्या चौकटीत स्वत:ला दाटीवाटीने बसवतात.
हे सर्वच सुंदर, शब्दातीत असतं. त्यात भिजऱ्या थेंबांची आपुलकी असते, श्रावणाच्या उन्हाची ऊब असते. पण हे सारं कॅमेऱ्यात बंदिस्त करताना मात्र त्याच्यामध्ये थोडा कोरडेपणा येतो. त्या वेळी वाटतं, हे जगण्याचं भिजरं रूप कायम पाहता येईल असं एखादं घर माझं असतं तर?.. मग असं पाहण्यासाठी वाटा शोधत फिरत बसायला लागलं नसतं. त्यानेच उंबरठय़ापाशी येऊन हलकेच दार ठोठावलं असतं. घराच्या कौलारांच्या फटीतून जरासं बाहेर डोकावल्यावर त्याने हसून, माझी चाहूल घेतल्याची जाणीव करून दिली असती.
पण तसं नाही होत. म्हणून ट्रेकचं निमित्त. तेही खास शनिवार, रविवारचे मुहूर्त शोधून.. अशा वेळी एका आंतरिक ऊर्मीने असं उत्फुल्ल जगणारा आणि असा अधूनमधून वाटय़ाला येणारा निसर्ग अधाशासारखा पाहायचा नि कॅमेऱ्यातही साठवून ठेवायचा.
कॅमेऱ्यात साठवून तरी किती साठणार? त्याला चौकटीच्या मर्यादा येतात नि प्रत्यक्षात मात्र तो निसर्ग, ती हिरवळ, ते धबधबे त्या चौकटीबाहेर अव्याहतपणे वाहत असतात.
म्हणून मग वाटतं, जाऊ दे, सारं सोडून देऊन इथेच राहावं. इथे या चौकटीविना जगणाऱ्या पठारावरच एक दगडी घर बांधून राहावं, ज्याचा प्रत्येक चिरा सातत्याने बदलणाऱ्या निसर्गाच्या या रूपाबद्दल सांगेल.
पण हेही होत नाही. देवळाच्या ओसरीत अंथरलेलं अंथरूण आवरून ठेवताना ट्रेक संपल्याची जाणीव होते नि मग इथे छानसं घर आपण नक्की बांधायचं असं हज्जारदा म्हणत परतीची पावलं डोंगरच ठळकपणे उमटवायला लागतो. वाटेत दिसणाऱ्या धबधब्यात पुन्हा एकदा जरासं भिजावंसं वाटतं. पण इतरांनी वटारलेले डोळे तसं करू देत नाहीत. जिवंत डोळे असे वेळेची जाणीव करून द्यायला लागले की मग या परतीच्या प्रवासामध्ये काही क्षणांसाठी मोडून पडलेली चौकट पुन्हा येऊन बाजूला उभी राहते. तेव्हा घरपरतीच्या प्रवासाबद्दल वाईट वाटण्यासोबत मनात एक काहीसं, आजूबाजूच्या परिस्थितीला छेद देणारं द्वंद्व सुरू होतं. ऊनपावसाच्या छटा पाहत, त्यांच्याबरोबर धारानृत्याचा अविस्मरणीय आनंद मिळवत डोंगरावरच्या नैसर्गिक झऱ्यामध्ये तासन् तास भिजल्यानंतर मग घरातल्या बंदिस्त बाथरूमची एकाएकी आठवण येते. धो-धो कोसळणाऱ्या पाण्यात चिंब भिजलेल्या मनाला गरम पाण्याच्या स्पर्शाची ओढ लागते. कधी एकदा शॉवरचं गरम पाणी अंगावर घ्यायला मिळतंय याची आस शरीराच्या प्रत्येक कणाला वाटायला लागते.
खरं तर, निसर्गप्रेमाचा टेंभा मिरवणं मात्र संपत नाही..
मग पुन्हा जगण्याच्या चौकटी खूप आवळायला लागल्या की त्यांना तोडून दूर जाण्यासाठी ट्रेकचे प्लॅन्स आखले जातात नि पुन्हा तेच चक्र सुरू होतं.
आणि मग एका चुटपुटत्या क्षणी जाणीव होते की भौतिक जीवनाचा कंटाळा आला म्हणून डोंगरदऱ्यांमध्ये भ्रमंती करणं वेगळं आणि संन्यस्त वृत्तीने त्या डोंगरदऱ्यांचा भाग होणं वेगळं!
मग निसर्गप्रेमाची खोटी धुंदी खाडकन् उतरते नि निसर्गाशी एकरूप होण्याच्या खऱ्या अर्थाचा शोध सुरू होतो..


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