he wants..

He wants to insist on taking her back to a simpler life...

A life where you turned the radio on in the morning and not the iPad, life where you brewed coffee and stuck around long enough to feel its aroma spread through the house, where you take a moment to feel the weight of the warm blanket on you, and appreciate the soft sheets and the hard pillows. Open the window and smell the trees - not the flowers but the trees. Name every creature, alive or inanimate, because they all deserve some identity.

He wants to make sure that she takes naps especially when her brain was in overdrive. 

He wants her  to spend no less than an hour at the bookstore even if she has no intention of buying anything. 

He wants to show her how to keep her face close to the cup and blow on the hot tea so she can feel the heavenly warmth on her face. 

They want to practice, and continue to practice patience - they should started small - waiting for the water to get warm, patiently watching the YouTube video to load, waiting for the coffee to cool down enough so it doesn't burn the tongue, slowing down at the yellow light instead of speeding up, keeping the phone away for a few minutes and laying down to stare at the ceiling. 

He wants to insist on "giving" - be it to her, to a friend, or to someone in need. 'coz he needs to be a better person to make her happier! and to make the lives simpler!

He wants to show her the joys of being sung a lullaby as she drifts off to sleep, and the importance of sleeping - to shut it out, to let it go, to allow your body to be at peace even if only for half an hour.

He wants her to control her anger, to let someone else win for a change. 

Over the years, he wants her realize that everyone is a flawed person. 

The realization should not make anyone sad or angry. It makes us humble. 

He wants her to realize that people make mistakes - that she has made mistakes, even he has made blunders and the world hasn't come to an end. 

The world doesn't come to an end for anyone. He wants succeed in making her a better person, a simpler person, a happier person, and make her life full of nice things!

He wants their life uncluttered by things - mind free - all the junk is cleaned out. He wants them to live in moment that live out the things they buy and the things they get worked up about. He wants to make her feel like a little girl learning it all over again. 

and ultimately he wants her to know she has so much space and so much peace inside her..

Love time!

While writing this I already have hit the sack but feeling insomniac.
Just a few thoughts about the Valentine's Day..

The last time I checked, this was supposed to be a day to celebrate love. Not a day that would make us feel lonely, and sad, and sometimes just desperate. We all feel lost sometimes but it almost seems like this day is now designed to make us feel more lost. If romantic love has entered your life, that's wonderful. Try to take out some time today and acknowledge it. If love has not swept you off your feet yet, it will come to you when it is ready. You can't find love, love will have to find you, and it will. Your only job is to make sure you let it in when it does find you. Its when you are not expecting it that it will hit you hardest — and isn't that what makes life so tragically wonderful?

Until then, trust that the universe knows what it is doing and focus on making yourself better for when love does come knocking at your door or bumping into you around the corner of a coffee shop. You must learn to be patient.

Just remember today that you are not alone, unless you choose to be, and deep down inside you, you already know that.

Sound Sleep...

Everyone of us has an idea about how our life partner should be.. but its not easy to find right person at the right time. Its not actually about right or wrong.. they are just relative phenomena. Let's say.. its all about finding a perfect match!

He was the most unlikely of companions. She didn't think she would have anything in common with someone who loves to be with himself. She didn't think that she would like a thick beard on a man's face either. It hides the face and she always liked looking. Neither did she want too tall. But there he was. Five feet eleven and supporting a thick french beard, not to mention loved being with himself.

She'd hoped that it would happen. That they would meet again. That she'd finally be able to have all the conversations with him that she only had in her mind. She had imagined the meeting a few different ways. Perhaps she'll be visibly excited, smiling, beaming with joy, shy, quiet, hesitating to make eye contact. None of that mattered now that he was here. Sitting right next to her on that beige sofa in his living room. He was looking at her quietly.

Suddenly, she felt sleepy. Of all the scenarios she had played out in her head for this moment, feeling sleepy was not one of them. She tried not to yawn. She leaned towards him, as if she was about to kiss him. But she didn't. She leaned further into him so that he had to lean back and lie down - she on top of him. When she put her head on his chest, she felt a familiar scent, but she couldn't make much of it. She was too sleepy for that. She closed her eyes while her fingers played with his fingers.

The way she slept, with her face softened and arms wrapped around his shoulders, was beautiful. She hadn't slept like that in a long time.

A Heart Break...

Just realized something.. its about heartbreak..

The heart doesn't break in a snap.  It doesn't fall and shatter on the ground; there is no cracking or ripping.  A heart breaks like a flower wilts - quietly yet.. suddenly...

She keeps the flowers on her desk. Roses, mostly. She likes Roses. They are cheerful and intense; She loves that. Their soft petals tantalize her skin whenever she touches them, and their colors brighten up the room. But then if she gets too busy to pay them much of attention... if she forgets to water them for just one day, they start to look sad and gloomy. The intense red is still there but they start to run low on vibrance. She waters them . Some life comes back, the breathing becomes easier.  Now she knows they'll last for another week or so. She hasn't hurt them enough yet.

But sometimes, its just too late. One day she comes into the room, and sees their necks down, even though their petals are still soft. Then no matter whatever she does, they will never look up again. They keep wilting slowly - dying. It doesn't matter how many times she waters them or give them plant nourishment, they are finished now. She can only wait for them to die out completely and disappear... only to become a memory for some time, and then forgotten.

This is how a heart breaks.

Last Kiss...

It had just started to rain when he stopped his car outside her house. She hesitated to get out of the car as she didn't want to get wet. He watched her hair as she watched the drops of rain fall down the window. Their evening coffee date was over and she was trying to leave him.. again..

He hadn't seen her since they broke up. Three weeks and two days had passed.. But to him, they were "twenty three" days of different life.. She turned back at him and smiled.. They both smiled.

"Thanks for the coffee dear!" She said. Her eyes studied his face. Reading every emotion he tried to hide. He didn't want to say.. But he did..

"I still love you!"

Her eyes fell. She played with a button on her jacket. He watched her fingers; afraid to see the look on her face.

"I know you do!" She said "things are just.. better this way.."

He nodded.. Still watching her hand. She stopped playing with the button and put her fingers under his chin to raise his head. His heartbeat stopped when their eyes met. Her face was close to his. He was not sure who moved first.. But he didn't close his eyes until their lips came together.

The sound of rain faded and only thing he knew was the feeling of her lips against his. The same lips he had kissed a thousand times before, but this was something special. But it was over.

She opened the door and stepped into rain without a word.

It was their last kiss.

change.. it happens...

Every time you leave someone behind or they decide to quit on you, things don't remain the same. There's always a change - sometimes a major change or sometimes just a minor one which you brush off.
Whether you miss these people from your life or not, they change you in a certain way and then they come back to you in pieces, years after they are gone.
Some come in dreams, others come in places, a few in songs here and there, and many on occasions and festivals.

Here is the interesting thing about life:
It kicks you down, in fact it kicks you while you are down. It brutally bashes you and breaks your bones - one at a time - so that you do not miss out on the pain. Life is not a disaster, it is a slow torture. But just when you think that you cannot go on any longer, and life is convinced that you have given up, it brings you flowers and tend to your wounds and helps you get up on your feet only to knock you down some other time. At the end of it all, it is such a humbling experience.

and I love my life.. it teaches us to get up and fight! \m/ :)



-omi

Long Distance Relationship...

As you’re all probably aware, In a long distance relationship (LDR); It’s at about this point when I hear a rousing chorus of “WHY?!” from those who are reading.
Well, it’s something I’ve been asking myself and something everyone who is apart from their significant other should ask themselves. But let’s backtrack to how it all begun. It can be summed up in one word. Cliché. Need I say more? It just clicked. Anyway things happened quickly, you tend to speed things up when you’re dealing with a lack of time. One minute we were saying that it was just a fling and we should say goodbye, next moment we were checking out the best calling plan because we’d decided we wanted to see what would happen.
Basically, we didn’t want it to end. But we knew we’d have to do the distance thing.
We didn’t plan anything, we just figured it out as we went along. For those who have been in this situation, you know what I mean when I say it’s hard.
It’s really hard.
Sometime the phone just doesn’t connect, some days all you want is a hug from your partner and you can’t have it. They say that communication is the basis of any good relationship, well in a LDR ( read : Long Distance Relationship ) it is a necessity. Without that, you can have nothing. You need to be honest and open, and for someone who isn’t great at expressing, it’s a challenge. If anyone had any trust issues when they started this, they all had to go. Of course you have to feel strongly about the person you’re in a LDR with but without trust then you shouldn’t bother. You will never know who they’re out with or what they’re doing, even for the most self-assured person it would be tough.
Trust and honesty, both necessary, but two of the hardest things to have. Strangely enough, the hardest thing for me to have to deal with has been the reaction from other people. I’m sure they don’t mean to be anything less than supportive but when you’re constantly being told that it’ll be hard and that it’ll never last, it makes everything a little more difficult.
I already know that it’s hard, it’s one that’s involved but it’s not something one have gone into lightly. Everyone has an opinion when it comes to this and everyone thinks their answer is the right one. What I’ve discovered is that we have had to figure out what’s right for us, without listening to everybody else’s doubt. For me, what it comes down to is that I’ve met someone who can deal with my interesting ways. She just happend to live in some other place. All relationships have issues that need to be dealt to and this is ours. We did the phone and email, our phone bills were huge but the way I see it is, if she was here we’d be going out a lot so we’re probably saving money. We talked so often that we probably knew each other better than a lot of other couples who have been together for the same amount of time. The best thing was that she was coming back. It was important for me to know that there was more to her decision than just us, I can’t be the only reason for her turning her life upside down. She is already got a great group of friends here, so when she does get back, things can be normal. I never thought I’d want a normal, everyday relationship and that’s the beauty of distance. You can find out what you both want, you’ve got time to get to know each other without all the other crap that comes with the beginning part of a relationship. The distance has made me appreciate what we have so when she came, I knew I won’t take it for granted..

दूरियाँ भी है जरुरी....


i really miss u dear.... badly...

तुम्हे सचमुच खबर नही..

उसे मेरे हाल की खबर नही..
या दुआ में मेरे असर नही...?

मुझे दर-पेश धूप की मुसिबते...
मेरी राह में कोई शजर नही..

तेरे बाद कोई गुजरे यहाँसे...
मेरा दिल है.. कोई राह-गुजर नही..

जहां तेरी यादों को बहा सकूं..
इतना कोई समंदर नही..


miss you a lot..

Cycle of Replacement.. ( Part # 1 )

कभी कभी यूँही बैठे बैठे...
एक आम से दिन में दिल फिर से टूटता है
Just when you think you have forgotten all the sweet nothings, and the memories of the pretentious fights, it all comes back to you in a venue you least expect to serve as a reminder.

आज न-जाने बैठे बैठे वह यादें कहाँ से वापिस आ गयी ...
वह मसनूई घुस्सा, वोही बिना-वजह के नखरे..

पता नहीं कितने सालों से हर वक़्त उनसे अपने नखरे उठवाते रहना, उनसे उलटी सीधी फरमाइशे करते रहना... मेरा सबसे पसंदीदा मश्घला बन चुका था...
ज़रा ज़रा सी बात पर उनका नाराज़ हो कर चल पड़ना और फिर कुन-अखियों से देखना के वो पीछे आऐं या नहीं...

मेरा खियाल था यह बचपना वक़्त के साथ साथ ख़तम हो ही जायेगा…
पर शायद कुछ आदतें कभी आप का पीछा नहीं छोडती हैं…
वक़्त बदल जाता है…
आप बदल जाते हो…
पर कुछ चीज़ें बस सताती करती ही रहती हैं...
हमेशा...

यह सच है....cycle of replacement में मुहब्बत की replacement नहीं होती .

Regret..

A promise I was asked
And a promise I did make
It changed things a lot
And many decisions I was to take

Would I make the same promise?
Or will I refrain?
Will I do it the same and just the same
Do it all, All over again?


The struggles I do accept
And the pain I do agree
Its the price I paid
For my soul to breathe free

If love is the cost of freedom
Then so it shall be
No one shall rob it, Nor shall one protect
My freedom was my own
And mine alone to defend

Would I make the same choice?
Or will I refrain?
Will I do it the same and just the same
Do it all, All over again?


There were mistakes, there had to be
Success was sweet
But it was failure that taught
That the ones to forge a character
Are the falls not caught

I trusted and was betrayed
It led me to conflict - led me to strife
I loved and was burnt
It unknowingly shaped - the contours of my life

Would I make the same choice?
Or will I refrain?
Will I do it the same and just the same
Do it all, All over again?


I think I will, for it was worth it
For one smile of her eyes Or one kiss of her lips
I would happily take eternal agony
For a touch of her hair on my fingertips

I think I will, for it was worth it
For a fair lady once asked of a little boy
Promise me will you, That you will
"Listen to what your heart says
And have the courage to follow it"
And I had promised
"Yes, my lady - I will"

Flashed from the Past....

A lazy morning, a sky refusing to light up, a vista of clouds hanging low and grey, a wind caressed with moisture ........ and I... think of you.

I remember the evening we spent together in our favorite restaurant. My glance as it traced your silhouette opposite me. The glint of evening sun-rays on those rose-red lips. I remember being intoxicated - in part by wine and in part by your beauty.

There are memories one does not divulge easily. This is one of them. But there is a dream more real than memory - remembered not in your mind - but etched in your body. And this is one of them.

My fingers remember the touch of your skin, the strength of that warmth as I held you in a slow still dance. My will still longs the challenge in your smile. Never since has a woman, so tested my heart.

I have fought long and hard and learnt - there are some things you can not erase despite try.

Some things there are - not remembered in your mind.

Speaking with Reflection....

I washed my face and looked up
Whats worrying you I asked ??
But, you already know - said the reflection
Its been long since I have heard you speak
Speak please and help me now.

Questions - it said - I have questions on my mind
I braced myself and gave a nod

How long since we've seen home?
How long since you last laughed ?
Time has flown fast
And the shadows of worry
Have faded the ambers of your heart.

You are tied now
Tied with chains of responsibilities
You have travelled far and are walking still
But the journey has long stopped

Where is the spark that once shone these eyes
Where is the hope that eclipsed all in flight
Where is the boy - bright and fiery
Sure as an arrow on its mark

I know all that needs to be done
And I know all that you must
But you can not go further on this path
Green pastures and certain meals
Are not for the wolves at heart

Act now and change the course
Or life will flow as it has flown
And we will yet speak once more
And many years would have passed
The journey will in deed draw to its end
And you will have only this mirror
Mourning the regrets of your past

past...

We usually went there late at night. 1am… may be 2am… driving on a lone dark road. It was so dark that if you turn off the head lights of the car, you wouldn’t see a thing two feet from you. The road runs along the river and we had parked the car at the same spot every time to take a walk along the river. The river had always been still, dark and muddy. For some strange reason, I never saw the water flow in that part of the river or at that time of the night. It was always still and black. We could hear nothing but the sound of our own feet or when we would occasionally whisper to each other. No wind blowing. No crickets chirping. No traffic noise. No nothing.

I usually had a hard time finding a place to sit as the grass was long and the ground was always muddy, and I remembered literally pulling you by your sleeve to make you sit down beside me. It got very cold around there as well.
The air was filled with silence. Dead Silence. I liked listening to it at times although it would make me feel uncomfortable on occasions.

“This place is so dead,” you had said staring in the dark.

I found it romantic then… kind of sweet. I was determined to find love in it than the darkness. But then again, I had always struggled to find beauty in things associated with you and had failed miserably every time.

After a long time, today I realized that there was no love it had to offer. It was not welcoming. It was not soothing. We just went there to get out of our troubles, or maybe we wanted to embrace our screwed-up realities. We went there with empty minds and for no known reason.
I wonder why you took me there for the first time. Did you take me there so that I can see and embrace that emptiness and I failed to get the point?

I suppose, today I can agree with you.

This place is indeed dead. No more..
Just like you are...

miss you.. :|


-omi