एक गाव

एक छान गाव होतं.

एका मोठ्या शहराच्या हद्दीला लागूनच हे आपलं गाव. भरपूर झाडी, नदीकिनारी, शेती वगैरे असलेलं.. त्या गावातली लोकं अत्यंत सुखासमाधानाने राहायची, पंचक्रोशीत कोणाचेही कोणाशी तंटे नाहीत, भांडणं नाहीत..
त्या गावाची माहिती एका प्रधानाला कळली. प्रधान गावाच्या भेटीला आला, सामान्य वेशात, कोणालाही कळणार नाही असा. त्यानं शेतजमीन बघितली, काही नमुने गोळा केले आणि तज्ज्ञांना दाखवायला म्हणून घेऊन गेला.
जाता चहाला थांबला असताना त्याला एका गावकऱ्यानी विचारलं, "कुठुनसा आलास बा?"
"मी? शेजारच्या शहरातून!" प्रधान उत्तरला.
"काय काम काढलं हिकडं गावात?" गावकरी.
"तुमच्या शेतीबद्दल बरंच ऐकलंय, एक दोन चार बिघा जमीन घ्यावी म्हणतो" प्रधान.
"चांगलीच आहे जमीन, पण इकायला कोणी काढलीय?" गावकरी.
"पैसे देईन ना भरपूर!" प्रधान
गावकाऱ्याला काय बोलू कळलंच नाही. पैसे समोर आल्यावर काय करायचं त्या पैशांचं? पोरं सुखानी राहतायत. कुटुंबाला व्यवस्थित खायला मिळतंय. मग कशाला हवेत अजून पैसे, असा त्याचा माफक प्रश्न.
"चला येतो" प्रधान म्हणाला, आणि निघाला.
"हां, या परत!" गावकरी स्वतःच्याच तंद्रीत म्हणाला
"यावंच लागेल" प्रधान मिश्किल हसत हसत निघून गेला
गावकाऱ्याला पडलेला प्रश्न अजून सुटेच ना! पैसे मिळाल्यावर करायचं काय? असो, वेळ आली की बघू, असं म्हणत त्यांनी चहा संपवला आणि आपल्या घराकडे निघाला.
घरी आला, बायकोला किस्सा सांगितला, बायको म्हणाली "तुम्ही ना मुलुखाचे वेंधळे, सांगायचं की, आमची थोडी जमीन घ्या विकत तुम्ही, आणि त्या बदल्यात पैसे घ्या"
गावकरी म्हणाला, "पण त्या पैशांचं करायचं काय?"
बायको म्हणाली, "बँकेत टाकायचे, व्याजावर, खूप मिळतं म्हणे तिकडे शहरात!" "पण आपली गरज आहे तितके पैसे मिळतात आपल्याला, वर उरतात सुद्धा थोडे. जमीन वगैरे मी काही विकणार नाही."
हा विषय त्या घरात तिथेच थांबला, बायको बिचारी चरफडत राहिली.

त्या रात्री त्या गावकाऱ्याला झोप लागली नाही. तोच प्रश्न त्याच्या डोक्यात घोळत राहिला, "पैशांचं करायचं काय?"

दिवसामागून दिवस गेले, पावसाळा गेला, मग अचानक राजानी गावात दवंडी पिटवली, राजाचा दरबार भरणार आहे गावात.
"आपल्या गावात राजा येणार? किती छान!" गाव एखाद्या नुकत्याच वयात आलेल्या मुलीसारखं सजलं. गावाला सजवण्यात आपला गावकरी पण आघाडीवर होता!

राजा आला! त्यानी विचारलं, "तुमच्यापैकी किती जण शेजारच्या सुंदर शहरात जाऊन आला आहात?"
काही तुरळक हात वर आले
"बरं, तुमच्यापैकी किती जण तिथे राहून आला आहात?"
कोणाचाच हात वर आला नाही, लोकांना कळतंच नव्हतं की राजाला नक्की काय म्हणायचं आहे.
राजा म्हणाला, "बरं, तुम्ही शहरात गेला नाहीत म्हणून काय झालं, शहर तुमच्याकडे येऊ शकतं ना!" गावकरी अजून बुचकळ्यात.
"आज आम्ही एक निर्णय घेतला आहे, तुमच्या शेतजमिनीपैकी प्रत्येकानी थोडी थोडी जमीन राज्याला दान करायची, दान कशाला, राज्य ती जमीन पैसे देऊन कागदोपत्री व्यवहार करून विकत घेईल, तुम्हाला त्याचे भरपूर पैसे मिळतील"
आपला गावकरी राजा बोलता बोलताच मध्ये उठला, उभा राहिला, आणि त्यानी राजाला सवाल केला, "पण या पैशाचं करायचं काय?" प्रधान लगबगीने त्याच्याकडे आला, "सांगतो", आणि त्याला बाजूला घेऊन गेला.
मग राजानी सगळ्या गावाला, गावकऱ्यांना शहराचे फायदे सांगायला सुरुवात केली.
"भरपूर पाणी, वीज, पक्के रस्ते".. वगैरे वगैरे..
"हे शहर झालं की बाहेरची, विदेशातली लोकं इथे राहायला येतील, त्यांच्यामुळे तुमच्या धंद्याला, मालाला अजून उठाव मिळेल".. वगैरे वगैरे..
"तुम्हाला शेती सोडून देता येईल, तुमच्या पोरं बाळांना शेती करायची नसेल तर त्यांना सुद्धा काही वेगळे उद्योग करता येतील, त्यासाठी मी कर्ज देईन" वगैरे वगैरे..
गावातली तरूण जनता या शब्दगणिक भुलत चालली होती, नागोबाच्या पुंगीवर डुलत चालली होती.

काळ लोटला, लोक बदलले, त्या गावाचं शहर होतंय!
भरपूर पाणी, वीज, पक्के रस्ते.. बाहेरची, विदेशातली लोकं, धंद्याला, मालाला अजून उठाव, पोराबाळांचे वेगळे उद्योग, हे सगळं होता होता त्या गावचं गावपणच हरवतंय, मोठ्या मोठ्या गाड्या रस्त्यावरून फिरू लागल्या, पण त्या गाड्या वेगात जाताना रस्ता कसा ओलांडायचा हेच या गावकऱ्यांना कळत नाहीये. आपला माल कसा विकायचा आणि आपल्याला अजून अजून पैसेच कसे मिळतील याच्या मागे सगळेच पाळतायत

पण त्या गावकाऱ्याला पडलेल्या प्रश्नाचं उत्तर मात्र अजून कोणालाच सापडलं नाही, "या पैशांचं करायचं काय?"

ता. क. - या कथेचा हिंजवडीशी संबंध जाणवला तर तो योगायोग समजावा!

Pairing!!

This is a general observation and I severely felt to write something on this!!
It may happen that many may relate this to their own lives or even mine.. :P
But I believe that's the beauty of Panorama!! ;)

Perhaps every relationship is doomed to monotony after a while. Or perhaps some people are just wired a different way. They are cursed to yearn for love and romance even when they've had it. They have the bottomless cup that never fills even if you keep pouring world's finest wines into it.

Drunks should not be paired with sober people. Sober people want more out of life. Drunks just want one thing - one more glass of gin, one more shot of whiskey. They want the same thing over and over again. Just one more. And sober people are not willing to keep a cellar full of just that. And yet all drunkards are cursed to ask the sobers to fill their cup, and it never really works. They won't love them back. You just have to find peace with it. Relish in the memory of the sweet taste of heaven, spend your remaining days yearning for the magnificent beauty of the first sighting of the damned wine. Find time to love and hate and love again, and never truly feel satisfied.

her rain!

She spent the better part of the night listening to the rain tapping on the window right above her head. She listened as it hit different places of her home - how it sounded on the roof, on the porch, on the ground, at the window. Soon the pipes from the roof were full and started draining. It sounded like a water fall nearby.

Rain is not a single sound but an orchestra full of melodies. It demands attention. You are suddenly not where you were before, floating slowly with the tunes. It makes one want to believe for a moment that we are all dreamers, waiting to completely get away from reality.

She opened the window a bit at some point in the night and let the breeze and some drops fall on her pillow, and her face. She could smell the fall - the wet soil, the wet trees, and the cold air.

She played some blues at 3 in the morning. It was her favorite song. She smiled. The rain stopped. The breeze picked up. The clouds roared. Then the rain began again. She heard the train howling in the distance.

She fell asleep as the morning light started to hit the rain drops. She woke up to a wet, cold pillow and the curtains flying everywhere.

Something wonderful happens to the whole place when it rains...
She woke up smiling.

he wants..

He wants to insist on taking her back to a simpler life...

A life where you turned the radio on in the morning and not the iPad, life where you brewed coffee and stuck around long enough to feel its aroma spread through the house, where you take a moment to feel the weight of the warm blanket on you, and appreciate the soft sheets and the hard pillows. Open the window and smell the trees - not the flowers but the trees. Name every creature, alive or inanimate, because they all deserve some identity.

He wants to make sure that she takes naps especially when her brain was in overdrive. 

He wants her  to spend no less than an hour at the bookstore even if she has no intention of buying anything. 

He wants to show her how to keep her face close to the cup and blow on the hot tea so she can feel the heavenly warmth on her face. 

They want to practice, and continue to practice patience - they should started small - waiting for the water to get warm, patiently watching the YouTube video to load, waiting for the coffee to cool down enough so it doesn't burn the tongue, slowing down at the yellow light instead of speeding up, keeping the phone away for a few minutes and laying down to stare at the ceiling. 

He wants to insist on "giving" - be it to her, to a friend, or to someone in need. 'coz he needs to be a better person to make her happier! and to make the lives simpler!

He wants to show her the joys of being sung a lullaby as she drifts off to sleep, and the importance of sleeping - to shut it out, to let it go, to allow your body to be at peace even if only for half an hour.

He wants her to control her anger, to let someone else win for a change. 

Over the years, he wants her realize that everyone is a flawed person. 

The realization should not make anyone sad or angry. It makes us humble. 

He wants her to realize that people make mistakes - that she has made mistakes, even he has made blunders and the world hasn't come to an end. 

The world doesn't come to an end for anyone. He wants succeed in making her a better person, a simpler person, a happier person, and make her life full of nice things!

He wants their life uncluttered by things - mind free - all the junk is cleaned out. He wants them to live in moment that live out the things they buy and the things they get worked up about. He wants to make her feel like a little girl learning it all over again. 

and ultimately he wants her to know she has so much space and so much peace inside her..

wait..

Moonlight becomes you..
I'm thrilled at the sight..
And we could get so romantic tonight..
You're all dressed up to go dreaming.

Sinatra sang in her ears as she sat on one of the benches in a park nearby.. She has yet to find her favorite bench. But she is working on it. (But she has been telling herself that for years now). Ideally she won't be sitting here alone. She would be sharing this beautiful view of the water and the even more beautiful city beyond the water with him. She carries a splitter in her purse nowadays - that little piece of wire that lets you connect two different headphone sets to the same outlet. She carries it around in case she ever gets to reenact a scene from Begin Again. She probably won't.

She has been carrying a sickness in her heart for so many years. Every now and then she realizes that and she wants to cry. But no tears come out. It's just sort of a sick sadness. Sad sickness. This life can't be so short. These nights can't be so long.

Perhaps some day she will put her act together and find a favorite bench, and walk long enough with him to call it an actual walk. For now, its just Mr. Sinatra and her - as we have been for many years.

What a night to go dreaming.

This is a work of fiction.

Love time!

While writing this I already have hit the sack but feeling insomniac.
Just a few thoughts about the Valentine's Day..

The last time I checked, this was supposed to be a day to celebrate love. Not a day that would make us feel lonely, and sad, and sometimes just desperate. We all feel lost sometimes but it almost seems like this day is now designed to make us feel more lost. If romantic love has entered your life, that's wonderful. Try to take out some time today and acknowledge it. If love has not swept you off your feet yet, it will come to you when it is ready. You can't find love, love will have to find you, and it will. Your only job is to make sure you let it in when it does find you. Its when you are not expecting it that it will hit you hardest — and isn't that what makes life so tragically wonderful?

Until then, trust that the universe knows what it is doing and focus on making yourself better for when love does come knocking at your door or bumping into you around the corner of a coffee shop. You must learn to be patient.

Just remember today that you are not alone, unless you choose to be, and deep down inside you, you already know that.

Sound Sleep...

Everyone of us has an idea about how our life partner should be.. but its not easy to find right person at the right time. Its not actually about right or wrong.. they are just relative phenomena. Let's say.. its all about finding a perfect match!

He was the most unlikely of companions. She didn't think she would have anything in common with someone who loves to be with himself. She didn't think that she would like a thick beard on a man's face either. It hides the face and she always liked looking. Neither did she want too tall. But there he was. Five feet eleven and supporting a thick french beard, not to mention loved being with himself.

She'd hoped that it would happen. That they would meet again. That she'd finally be able to have all the conversations with him that she only had in her mind. She had imagined the meeting a few different ways. Perhaps she'll be visibly excited, smiling, beaming with joy, shy, quiet, hesitating to make eye contact. None of that mattered now that he was here. Sitting right next to her on that beige sofa in his living room. He was looking at her quietly.

Suddenly, she felt sleepy. Of all the scenarios she had played out in her head for this moment, feeling sleepy was not one of them. She tried not to yawn. She leaned towards him, as if she was about to kiss him. But she didn't. She leaned further into him so that he had to lean back and lie down - she on top of him. When she put her head on his chest, she felt a familiar scent, but she couldn't make much of it. She was too sleepy for that. She closed her eyes while her fingers played with his fingers.

The way she slept, with her face softened and arms wrapped around his shoulders, was beautiful. She hadn't slept like that in a long time.

Idea of love!

We have preconceived notions of a person we think we'll love.

If someone would have painted a picture of him to her before she met him, it probably wouldn't have been too appealing to her. Not because he was lacking something, it's just that he didn't fit her profile at the time. He didn't fit her idea of a person she would ever love.

For so many years, she lived with the idea of a man - not really a man. She liked how it made her feel. It made her feel content and comforted - that idea of his. It was when she was at her best and he was his. He never really lived with him, she lived with all the thoughts she created in her head about him. All the time she had been seeing him, it was really the idea of his that she wanted to see. She didn't really love him, she loved what she imagined he was, what he was supposed to be. and suddenly she thought, did she love him?!
She loved him so much. Now, it isn't him she is letting go, it is that idea of him in her head, and that's what pains her.
The idea of him that she nurtured, and loved, and cherished is what she has to let go.

It's so terrifying but we all have to recognize at some point that we don't truly love anyone until we let go of the idea of what we are supposed to love - to let go of the person that exist only in our heads. Loving real human beings is hard, but that's the only love that lasts..

Madness...

Writing after a long time guys!!
Hope you like it!

She was desperate to find something, anything that would soothe her ache. She wanted to not feel the craziness of her heart. She wanted to forget and not want the things she couldn't have. She wanted to exchange her burned, scarred heart with a brand new one, and she was desperately hunting for the clean heart, for a fresh start.

When she met him, she knew. She knew it was the purest heart she could find, and she had to have it. She was so desperate to clean herself that she did not care if she dirtied him in the process. So the first opportunity she got, she pounced. She dug her nails in his skin, and ripped his chest out. And there it was, the most beautiful thing in the world, and she was about to have it. She was about to rid herself of all her crazy, and all the her madness. It was wonderful.

And yet, no matter what she did, she couldn't take it. He was smarter than she thought, he was better than she thought. She wanted a fix, and he wouldn't allow it. He actually loved her. It was almost cruel.

All she ever wanted was a man who would soothe her madness. That was the only way she knew. But he only burned it more, made her crazier. He was right: the cure was not to fix the crazy but to accept it. She wanted to forget. He made it okay for her to remember

Wish you a very Happy New Year!! God bless!

-omi

Be Brave!

There are people who couldn't deal with the idea of a modern woman living her life independent and traveling late around the city. So they raped her - beat her - in a rapid moving bus in the nation's capital and then threw her out on the street to die. And with that - they have raped India and left its dignity naked on the street. They were six of them against her - all of 23 years of age. Practically a baby with the world yet to be discovered. The way India and each Indian failed this girl is utterly reprehensible and marks a moment of deepest shame for the nation.

In few weeks that followed the incident, I watched the social dialogue focused on the lack of law and order and on the demands of death penalty for the accused. India's politicians (including women!) ever representative of the pathetic state of the Indian government, came out saying ridiculously sexist and insensitive comments. In some instances even equating every rape victim to be a prostitute.

A few days back - that poor girl took her last breaths and has now left a nation of questions - of confusion - of anger and hurt and of a very uncertain future. Like most of India's intractable problems - the issue of injustice against women is systemic, its root causes embedded deep in the Indian culture.  And unfortunately like most times of tragedy, the dialogue has been about symptoms rather than the disease.

Yet another group of citizens have vociferously expressed despair. Statements of "nothing will ever change" have been written and heard in different hues all across social media and in discussions. Little do these people realize that accepting "Nothing will change" makes it a self fulfilling prophecy.

NO!  This is not a time to despair and lose hope. This is a time - if there ever was one - to fight! This is a time for each Indian to sit alone in a room and delve deep into his soul. And to confront his weaknesses. If you are a man - think about each time you have been unfair or uncourteous to a woman - learn to accept it - take responsibility for it - truly apologize for it,  and take steps to mend it.

If you are a woman - think about each time you have been ill-treated - or led to believe you are lesser than a man - but instead of fighting this lie you relented and kept quiet - think about each chance you have had to challenge this ridiculous notion and missed. This is not a time to despair. This is a time for Courage. Courage to face your flaws - Courage to do what is hard - Courage to stand up for those who can't for themselves.

The six wretched, depraved animals who robbed 'Amanat' of her dignity and forever stole her chance at a happy and successful life - do not deserve to live. But they do not deserve to die either - death in these circumstances is too merciful. These men should be sentenced not just to life-imprisonment - but a lifelong of solitary confinement. They should be kept under strictly regulated conditions - in a tall white room with smooth walls and bright lights - where there is nothing but the sound of their own voice - all day - all night - 24 hours each long day - 7 days each miserable week - until the end of their lives. Locked in a prison where nothing ever changes - no sound ever creeps in - no one offers death - or company or utters a single word - a prison with no windows - no features - utterly and absolutely nothing to spare them from the company of their thoughts and from the repent of their actions.  They should be given proper food and nourishment just to make them live another day. They should be prevented from taking  their own lives. They should be forever locked in a white box they try to escape - try and fail - try and fail all over again - every single day. May be - may be  - just may be - that will begin to atone for the barbaric acts they have committed.

And yet what does that do to mend your soul ? What does that do to bring 'Amanat' back and what does it do to stop that burning, excruciating pain you are feeling in your heart .. nothing. And so we have to rise and pick ourselves up and pledge to do everything we can to ensure no woman in India is ever treated this way again.  You may not succeed this week, this year or even in your lifetime - but when you get to the end, you should be able to hold your head high and say you fought with all you could.

If you want her death to mean something - you have to change the way you live and what you accept as normal - for the rest of your lives. If you are a man, call and talk to every significant woman in your life. And promise her to be better, kinder, and more courteous and to protect her against all dangers.  If you want her death not to be in vain, then - learn to accept your mistakes and pledge never to repeat them again. If you are truly a son of India - then take heart - for you were born in the land of Shri Ram - of Marayada Purushottam (मर्यादा पुरुषोत्तम) himself - and in your blood you have the strength to be righteous. If you are truly a Man, then promise yourself to stand up for the women in your life - against anyone - anything - no matter what the outcome.

If you are a woman - then remind yourself each day - that no one - NO ONE can ever rob you of your dignity. Remind yourself that 'Amanat' died because she fought back - against all odds and no hope of escape - she stood up for what she believed in - and though she may have died - she died fighting.  You swear with every red cell in your blood to fight injustice. Swear to stop at every instance you are wrongly treated as less than a man - and turn and fight this insidious lie.  Take a pepper spray - take self defense lessons - carry a rock or carry a blade - but you make sure you can hurt any man who ever tries to take advantage of you.  Swear to yourself to be fearless and to hit back at anyone who thinks you are vulnerable. If you ever get in a tough spot - take the name of 'Amanat' and drive your knee so far and so hard up his balls - that he no longer remains a man.

Stand India!! For this is the time for courage. This is the time to be brave!

A Heart Break...

Just realized something.. its about heartbreak..

The heart doesn't break in a snap.  It doesn't fall and shatter on the ground; there is no cracking or ripping.  A heart breaks like a flower wilts - quietly yet.. suddenly...

She keeps the flowers on her desk. Roses, mostly. She likes Roses. They are cheerful and intense; She loves that. Their soft petals tantalize her skin whenever she touches them, and their colors brighten up the room. But then if she gets too busy to pay them much of attention... if she forgets to water them for just one day, they start to look sad and gloomy. The intense red is still there but they start to run low on vibrance. She waters them . Some life comes back, the breathing becomes easier.  Now she knows they'll last for another week or so. She hasn't hurt them enough yet.

But sometimes, its just too late. One day she comes into the room, and sees their necks down, even though their petals are still soft. Then no matter whatever she does, they will never look up again. They keep wilting slowly - dying. It doesn't matter how many times she waters them or give them plant nourishment, they are finished now. She can only wait for them to die out completely and disappear... only to become a memory for some time, and then forgotten.

This is how a heart breaks.

I love you..

When wandering through the internet and different webpages, I found an interesting article.
It was about greeks and their myths and beliefs. And take my point mates, they made sense..

Here is an extract..

Those Greeks had a very logical reason for the existence of a "soul mate".
They believed that humans initially had two heads, four arms and four legs.
They were then cut into half (not exactly, but yes.. cut is the most appropriate word I could find) as a consequence of some form of disobedience to the gods, thus creating the modern human, who was left to search for his or her other half - the soul mate.

A new age belief is that souls are made with a direct connection to one another, in pairs as they say, and it is the other pair of your soul, that is your ultimate soul mate.

In the life of every person, there is "at least one person" (yes, true for many!) with whom we make a very deep connection. The connection at times is too deep, beyond our greatest and wildest dreams.

And my dreams - the deams in my mind, the ambition that fuels my ideas, the mischief that runs through my brain, the light that permeates my eyes, the invisible tickle that makes me smile....

It's all you.

I just cant wait for your answer!!!
I.. am already yours!

Confused.. to the core...

आज सकाळी ऑफिसमध्ये गेलो तेव्हा तीच न्यूज flash होत होती..
मन बधीर झालं..
काय.. कोण.. काहीच कळेनासं झालं होतं..
साधारण पुढचा अर्धा तास कामात लक्षच लागलं नाही..
ऑफिसच्या बाल्कनी मध्ये कॉफी चा मग घेऊन उभा होतो..
मनात आलं.. की आयुष्य किती क्षणभंगूर आहे..
सकाळी घरून निघताना.. "येतो.." असं म्हणून गेलेले लोकं कधीच पुन्हा घरी परतणार नाहीत..?
A Wednesday पिक्चर आठवला..
आपण खूप लवकर used to होऊन जातो.. आता ही गोष्ट चांगली की वाईट हे काही मला कळत नाहीये..
आणि यंदा तर अतिरेक्यांना ही दोष देता येणार नाही..
आपल्या लोकांना फोन केला.. सगळे सुखरूप आहेत नं हे चेक केलं.. channel बदलून बदलून बघितलं की नक्की काय झालं.. थोड्याफार अफवा ऐकू आल्या.. "आपण" सुरक्षित आहोत नं? मग काय तर...
सकाळी पेपर मध्ये वाचू सगळं नीट..
इतका स्वार्थी झालोय मी??
आज सकाळी मी घरून निघालो तेव्हा नीलायम theatre पाशी traffic jam होतं..
एवढी लोकं थांबून बघतायत हे बघून मला वाटलं की एखादा accident झाला असेल.. किंवा शूटिंग चालू असेल...
आपल्याला कुठला आलाय वेळ???
सकाळी ९.३० वाजता कार्ड स्वाईप झालं पाहिजे.. या नादात मी पुढे गेलो..
आणि नंतर खरंच जाणवलं.. आईचा फोन आला.. पोचलास नं नीट? असं असं झालं म्हणे तुझ्या जायच्या रस्त्यावरच..
तेव्हा मी सुद्धा तुटक तुटक च बोललो आई शी.. काम महत्त्वाचं वाटलं मला तेव्हा...
आता कळतंय... मी खरंच खूप स्वार्थी वागलो.. रादर झालोय मी स्वार्थी.. स्वतःची आणि फक्त आपल्या लोकांचीच काळजी करावीशी वाटते मला हल्ली...
दुनिया गेली तेल लावत..
पण नंतर जेव्हा मी माझ्या ताई शी gtalk वरून बोललो तेव्हा खूप जास्त हेल्पलेस वाटलं...
ताई नी समजावायचा प्रयत्न केला.. मी ही समजून घ्यायचा प्रयत्न केला..
पण मी स्वार्थी झालोय हे नक्की..
पण मग स्वार्थी झालो तर मग मला हळहळ का वाटली??
डोकं सुन्न का झालं??
तो अर्धा तास मला युगासारखा वाटला??
घरी येताना त्याच रस्त्यावर २ मिनिट थांबावसं वाटलं.. पण नाही थांबलो..
घरी जायची ओढ लागली होती..
स्वार्थीपणा बोलवत होता..


I know this is a very confused post... but really, this is exactly what I am feeling.. right now..

Last Kiss...

It had just started to rain when he stopped his car outside her house. She hesitated to get out of the car as she didn't want to get wet. He watched her hair as she watched the drops of rain fall down the window. Their evening coffee date was over and she was trying to leave him.. again..

He hadn't seen her since they broke up. Three weeks and two days had passed.. But to him, they were "twenty three" days of different life.. She turned back at him and smiled.. They both smiled.

"Thanks for the coffee dear!" She said. Her eyes studied his face. Reading every emotion he tried to hide. He didn't want to say.. But he did..

"I still love you!"

Her eyes fell. She played with a button on her jacket. He watched her fingers; afraid to see the look on her face.

"I know you do!" She said "things are just.. better this way.."

He nodded.. Still watching her hand. She stopped playing with the button and put her fingers under his chin to raise his head. His heartbeat stopped when their eyes met. Her face was close to his. He was not sure who moved first.. But he didn't close his eyes until their lips came together.

The sound of rain faded and only thing he knew was the feeling of her lips against his. The same lips he had kissed a thousand times before, but this was something special. But it was over.

She opened the door and stepped into rain without a word.

It was their last kiss.

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara....

They say sometimes you have to be lost to find your way. I have stayed away from this place for a while now. And it has allowed me to look at *Panorama* from a distance, and I realized that in the thirst for being appreciated, I stopped doing on this site what I loved most - writing for the sake of writing itself. Writing became more a means to massage my ego than being happy. So in true spirit of the change, I am going to base this article on a completely unpretentious topic - a movie review!

'Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara' by Zoya Akhtar was a rather surprise delight. For the first time in a long while, I left the theatre feeling happy and light. Comedy films entertain you for a bit, but the laughter dies down later on. Drama films, when good, get you to think about serious issues, but the strain is unsustainable for long periods of time - and you soon tend to put it out of your mind and move on. But this film is different. More than laugh, it makes you smile. And by the end just delivers a simple message - as if saying - "Hey You!, Smile you idiot ( or sometimes - jerk! ) - you are alive and breathing, be happy for that" And truly celebrates the act of simply being alive. The jokes are practical and down to earth. The kind of fun you can encounter in real life when you are hanging out with friends. (There are many situations where we find that the jokes which we crack are much better than these.. but lets assume that they have a different style than ours.. )

The story is actually a snapshot of 3 lives for a week. Of three close friends meeting for a vacation. All of them are in some way occupied by their problems and baggages. But by the end of it, they realize that sometimes letting go is the best thing you can do to help yourself. The message is nuanced and I am not sure how well it might be received in main stream Indian audience. But the film is technically sound and should do very well none the less. (okay, i know you all know the theme.. but wanted to revise it.. ! :) )

The direction is simple, sometimes too simple but the photography is breath taking. The film aptly shows the coming of age for Bollywood and in some sense India itself. It has a global presence and theme to it. The shooting is on par with the best of the film industry. Larger than life when needed, it is still grounded enough to actually move you when intended. The music is exhilarating, fresh and alive in every beat. Guitar is to Spanish music what tabla is to Indian. And in this film, the songs are mostly guitar based. This gives them a simplicity and freshness that is the exact opposite of the audio palette of a semi-classical Indian song. The lyrics are beautiful and Javed Akhtar's poetry is sublime. I loved the cast, its youthful, uncomplicated and multinational. The kind of global citizens modern Indian youth would aspire to be. Hritik Roshan is subdued but ever present, he is too much of a star to be just a mere part of the story, Abhay Deol is pleasant and grows on you. But the real surprise is Farhan Akhtar - this is an actor who plays well within his own limits, and his rendition of the comedy is the most natural I have encountered on screen in a while. Katrina Kaif does her part well. It is impossible to ignore her when she is in the frame. And in some instances, you really do forget to follow the dialogues, the scenery and be simply in awe of how gorgeous she can be. (I can be biased.. ;) )

The location of Spain has clearly paid off. And for the song of "Senorita" - which is partly spanish, adds beautiful authenticity to the play. You have to give it up for the music director's guts to let a song be in a foreign language - and trust it entirely to the rhythm for the audience to love it. The Senorita song demonstrates aptly the sensuality and pleasure that is inherent in Spain and its singers. It is a remarkable contrast to the Indian culture. Where often times, in favor of seeking spirituality, pleasure is looked down upon. The Spanish culture on the other hand celebrates pleasures and the people for wanting it. These are a people who are not afraid to ask for extra helpings of ice cream, a more toungy kiss, an extra night with a lover and have a society that won't fault them for wanting it. It makes their poetry extremely sensual and its honest expression, endearingly human.

It complements the film beautifully in its message for asking people to celebrate life. Well - whats new about that ? True, we have heard these cliches for so long, we probably just tune them out by now. But there is something to it. A few years ago I became friends with a person who was genuinely happy. Not that there weren't any problems or sadness - but for the most part, this person was - happy. It got me thinking and I discovered the secret of happy people - they are truly able to live every moment. I know, I know ... what does that even mean - are we to stop our car every time we see a sunset or what .. Imagine that you are having a dinner party and are cooking for your friends. To indulge yourself, you are having a small cup of ice cream while cooking. And while chopping your veggies, you accidentally cut your finger. Most people will completely focus on the finger and the pain, its overwhelming and begs attention. The happy people I have found - can not only attend to the cut, but also savor the ice cream they were having in the first place. The thing is life seldom serves you ice creams on a plate with no distractions. And most of us when we think of happiness, want that unadulterated, undiluted and undisturbed experience of happiness. The trick is to savor a happy moment regardless of where it occurs. So if you enjoy rain, enjoy rain even when its because you have a flat tire and you are forced to stand on the road. And the people we find are most happy - are the people who are better at this. They don't lie to themselves or ignore their problems, but they don't trash the good things thoughtlessly either. And there lies the message of the film, so go out and see it and enjoy it. Go for a run, an evening walk, sit by the sea or like in my case, just get over yourself and write! Yes the Mantall the Bouys.. Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara...

Stupid...

You know how we say, 'It is too good to be true?' How when something so wonderful happens that we can't help but thank our stars and feel so overwhelmed that we have to utter with joy: Oh, you are too good to be true!

But do you know what the actual, original phrase is? It's, "If it's too good to be true, then it probably is." I don't know why we take out the last half of the quote. We choose to focus on the half truth and not face the reality.
Like she did.
Perhaps, she didn't get the memo - she didn't realize that when someone is too good to be true, he probably isn't. she is a stupid girl who believed it when he said he loved her. She was the stupid girl who didn't see the heinousness behind those cute eyes she adored. She gave in, she fell hard, and was trapped in his spell that she couldn't look beyond him. She couldn't see what he was doing to her. She couldn't decipher his plan. She couldn't see how he would use the doll that she was and then throw her out in search of another prettier one. Perhaps because he liked blond dolls and she is dark haired. Perhaps because it was all a game for him - her emotions, her life, was nothing but a game to boast in front of others. Perhaps he thought that somehow he would be more of a man if he could conquer her. Perhaps because he always thought she was stupid while telling her how smart he was. Perhaps, because she really is stupid.

If it is too good to be true, dear readers, it really is. Always, always remember that.

a night.. with you...

There were few times - very few - when he held her in the darkness after she woke up from a nightmare. But when he did, it wasn't as if the fear would leave her. It never made the darkness go away either. Her demons were still out there. The nightmares were still walking..
When he held her, she did not feel safe, but she felt better. "It's all right," he'd whisper in her ear. "I'm here with you. I love you," and then he'd go on to lie: "I'll never leave you."

Then, just for a moment or two, the darkness didn't seem so bad.

a night to remember
like a prayer that has no answer
a night so romantic
a night that makes me sick

A night full of love
a night full of butterfly
a night full of caress
a night full of kiss
a night of bliss

a night for indulgence
a intimate and an awesome ambiance
a night of touch
a night to remember...
A night with you.

change.. it happens...

Every time you leave someone behind or they decide to quit on you, things don't remain the same. There's always a change - sometimes a major change or sometimes just a minor one which you brush off.
Whether you miss these people from your life or not, they change you in a certain way and then they come back to you in pieces, years after they are gone.
Some come in dreams, others come in places, a few in songs here and there, and many on occasions and festivals.

Here is the interesting thing about life:
It kicks you down, in fact it kicks you while you are down. It brutally bashes you and breaks your bones - one at a time - so that you do not miss out on the pain. Life is not a disaster, it is a slow torture. But just when you think that you cannot go on any longer, and life is convinced that you have given up, it brings you flowers and tend to your wounds and helps you get up on your feet only to knock you down some other time. At the end of it all, it is such a humbling experience.

and I love my life.. it teaches us to get up and fight! \m/ :)



-omi

just.. a random thought...

Living in the city has its own charms. You get to see so many interesting aspects of life, and you don't even have to go out of the way to witness it. You just have to pay attention. Every day people have different expressions on their faces. Every day, they are having a day that's different from all the others, and so are you. Some days you just want to kill yourself while others make you feel alive like you have never been before. Every evening when you get out of work with so many others, you can tell how many people walking with you have a home to go to and how many don’t, and if you look closely you can tell which ones had a good day and who had a terrible one.

And on some footpaths nearby a garden, you see the most interesting things - especially in the mornings. Sometimes you hear them - like when someone is snoring, or when they are having a romantic conversation on the phone and they are trying to be discreet about it, Or when two friends are sitting together chit-chatting about meaningless stuff.

But my favorite has always been this one person - a man or a woman - on the bus in the mornings lost in their own little world. They smile to themselves from time to time. They look out the window, smile again a little, feel some fresh air, and will look around to see if anyone noticed. They are looking around, sometimes they stare right at me, but they don’t see me because they are actually not here. They are where they were the night before. Their puffy eyes show that they did not get enough sleep but that doesn't seem to bother them as much and the subtle smile on their faces will tell you that they will do it all over again if they had a chance - that sleep deprivation is the least of their worries. The light in their puffy eyes is so incredible as if the world looks so different to them, as if it is all new and they have a hard time believing it.

For months, I have been observing that. There is always this person in the bus I find in the mornings.
I smile and wonder about their yesterdays.

This morning, that person in the bus, was me.

यादें.. ( II )

चेहरा मेरा था.. निगाहें उसकी..
ख़ामोशी में भी.. वो बातें उसकी..

मेरे चेहरे पे ग़ज़ल लिखती गईं..
शेर कहती हुई ऑंखें उसकी..

शोख लम्हों का पता देने लगीं..
तेज़ होती हुई सांसें उसकी...

ऐसे मौसम भी गुज़रे हम ने..
सुबहें जब अपनी थीं.. शामें उसकी ...

फैसला मौज-ए-हवा ने लिखा..
आंधियां मेरी.. बहारें उसकी..

नींद इस सोच से टूटी अक्सर..
किस तरह कटती हैं रातें उसकी..

दूर रह कर भी सदा रहती है...
मुझको थामे हुई बाहें उसकी..


PS : all words are not mine.. found a sher ( the first two lines ) somewhere while surfing on the internet. I do not know the shaayar of that sher also.
just thought to share the sher with you all. :)
thank you!

शब्बा खैर..