past...

We usually went there late at night. 1am… may be 2am… driving on a lone dark road. It was so dark that if you turn off the head lights of the car, you wouldn’t see a thing two feet from you. The road runs along the river and we had parked the car at the same spot every time to take a walk along the river. The river had always been still, dark and muddy. For some strange reason, I never saw the water flow in that part of the river or at that time of the night. It was always still and black. We could hear nothing but the sound of our own feet or when we would occasionally whisper to each other. No wind blowing. No crickets chirping. No traffic noise. No nothing.

I usually had a hard time finding a place to sit as the grass was long and the ground was always muddy, and I remembered literally pulling you by your sleeve to make you sit down beside me. It got very cold around there as well.
The air was filled with silence. Dead Silence. I liked listening to it at times although it would make me feel uncomfortable on occasions.

“This place is so dead,” you had said staring in the dark.

I found it romantic then… kind of sweet. I was determined to find love in it than the darkness. But then again, I had always struggled to find beauty in things associated with you and had failed miserably every time.

After a long time, today I realized that there was no love it had to offer. It was not welcoming. It was not soothing. We just went there to get out of our troubles, or maybe we wanted to embrace our screwed-up realities. We went there with empty minds and for no known reason.
I wonder why you took me there for the first time. Did you take me there so that I can see and embrace that emptiness and I failed to get the point?

I suppose, today I can agree with you.

This place is indeed dead. No more..
Just like you are...

miss you.. :|


-omi

Separation Anxiety...

It is surreal driving long distance at night. You feel almost weird when there is no one else on the road except yourself. The only light you see around comes from your own headlights and there is no one to give you company but the lonely moon watching over you from far away.

I look at the moon from the side of my eye as I drive down this seemingly never ending road hoping to reach yet another strange destination soon. I look at the moon and think about all those I have associated the moon with and all those who have associated the moon with me. In this dreamlike light of the moon, I gaze over the shining fields and picture the lost lovers, the forgotten friends, and the never acknowledged faces. I leave yet another place and become a lonely traveler in yet another city. I pity myself for being alone and leaving those I left and leaving those I had to leave.

And as I pity myself, suddenly I see another lonely car passing by me going in the opposite direction. As it approaches me, he turns down his headlights and I turn down mine. We come close for a brief moment in acknowledgment of each other before we go back to blackness of the road.

And every time that happens, no matter how scarcely it does - when two cars meet at night on a lonely road, when they dim their headlights for each other and their paths cross for that short moment during their journeys in opposite directions... I feel like I am NOT ALONE in this world.


-omi