Idea of love!

We have preconceived notions of a person we think we'll love.

If someone would have painted a picture of him to her before she met him, it probably wouldn't have been too appealing to her. Not because he was lacking something, it's just that he didn't fit her profile at the time. He didn't fit her idea of a person she would ever love.

For so many years, she lived with the idea of a man - not really a man. She liked how it made her feel. It made her feel content and comforted - that idea of his. It was when she was at her best and he was his. He never really lived with him, she lived with all the thoughts she created in her head about him. All the time she had been seeing him, it was really the idea of his that she wanted to see. She didn't really love him, she loved what she imagined he was, what he was supposed to be. and suddenly she thought, did she love him?!
She loved him so much. Now, it isn't him she is letting go, it is that idea of him in her head, and that's what pains her.
The idea of him that she nurtured, and loved, and cherished is what she has to let go.

It's so terrifying but we all have to recognize at some point that we don't truly love anyone until we let go of the idea of what we are supposed to love - to let go of the person that exist only in our heads. Loving real human beings is hard, but that's the only love that lasts..

Be Brave!

There are people who couldn't deal with the idea of a modern woman living her life independent and traveling late around the city. So they raped her - beat her - in a rapid moving bus in the nation's capital and then threw her out on the street to die. And with that - they have raped India and left its dignity naked on the street. They were six of them against her - all of 23 years of age. Practically a baby with the world yet to be discovered. The way India and each Indian failed this girl is utterly reprehensible and marks a moment of deepest shame for the nation.

In few weeks that followed the incident, I watched the social dialogue focused on the lack of law and order and on the demands of death penalty for the accused. India's politicians (including women!) ever representative of the pathetic state of the Indian government, came out saying ridiculously sexist and insensitive comments. In some instances even equating every rape victim to be a prostitute.

A few days back - that poor girl took her last breaths and has now left a nation of questions - of confusion - of anger and hurt and of a very uncertain future. Like most of India's intractable problems - the issue of injustice against women is systemic, its root causes embedded deep in the Indian culture.  And unfortunately like most times of tragedy, the dialogue has been about symptoms rather than the disease.

Yet another group of citizens have vociferously expressed despair. Statements of "nothing will ever change" have been written and heard in different hues all across social media and in discussions. Little do these people realize that accepting "Nothing will change" makes it a self fulfilling prophecy.

NO!  This is not a time to despair and lose hope. This is a time - if there ever was one - to fight! This is a time for each Indian to sit alone in a room and delve deep into his soul. And to confront his weaknesses. If you are a man - think about each time you have been unfair or uncourteous to a woman - learn to accept it - take responsibility for it - truly apologize for it,  and take steps to mend it.

If you are a woman - think about each time you have been ill-treated - or led to believe you are lesser than a man - but instead of fighting this lie you relented and kept quiet - think about each chance you have had to challenge this ridiculous notion and missed. This is not a time to despair. This is a time for Courage. Courage to face your flaws - Courage to do what is hard - Courage to stand up for those who can't for themselves.

The six wretched, depraved animals who robbed 'Amanat' of her dignity and forever stole her chance at a happy and successful life - do not deserve to live. But they do not deserve to die either - death in these circumstances is too merciful. These men should be sentenced not just to life-imprisonment - but a lifelong of solitary confinement. They should be kept under strictly regulated conditions - in a tall white room with smooth walls and bright lights - where there is nothing but the sound of their own voice - all day - all night - 24 hours each long day - 7 days each miserable week - until the end of their lives. Locked in a prison where nothing ever changes - no sound ever creeps in - no one offers death - or company or utters a single word - a prison with no windows - no features - utterly and absolutely nothing to spare them from the company of their thoughts and from the repent of their actions.  They should be given proper food and nourishment just to make them live another day. They should be prevented from taking  their own lives. They should be forever locked in a white box they try to escape - try and fail - try and fail all over again - every single day. May be - may be  - just may be - that will begin to atone for the barbaric acts they have committed.

And yet what does that do to mend your soul ? What does that do to bring 'Amanat' back and what does it do to stop that burning, excruciating pain you are feeling in your heart .. nothing. And so we have to rise and pick ourselves up and pledge to do everything we can to ensure no woman in India is ever treated this way again.  You may not succeed this week, this year or even in your lifetime - but when you get to the end, you should be able to hold your head high and say you fought with all you could.

If you want her death to mean something - you have to change the way you live and what you accept as normal - for the rest of your lives. If you are a man, call and talk to every significant woman in your life. And promise her to be better, kinder, and more courteous and to protect her against all dangers.  If you want her death not to be in vain, then - learn to accept your mistakes and pledge never to repeat them again. If you are truly a son of India - then take heart - for you were born in the land of Shri Ram - of Marayada Purushottam (मर्यादा पुरुषोत्तम) himself - and in your blood you have the strength to be righteous. If you are truly a Man, then promise yourself to stand up for the women in your life - against anyone - anything - no matter what the outcome.

If you are a woman - then remind yourself each day - that no one - NO ONE can ever rob you of your dignity. Remind yourself that 'Amanat' died because she fought back - against all odds and no hope of escape - she stood up for what she believed in - and though she may have died - she died fighting.  You swear with every red cell in your blood to fight injustice. Swear to stop at every instance you are wrongly treated as less than a man - and turn and fight this insidious lie.  Take a pepper spray - take self defense lessons - carry a rock or carry a blade - but you make sure you can hurt any man who ever tries to take advantage of you.  Swear to yourself to be fearless and to hit back at anyone who thinks you are vulnerable. If you ever get in a tough spot - take the name of 'Amanat' and drive your knee so far and so hard up his balls - that he no longer remains a man.

Stand India!! For this is the time for courage. This is the time to be brave!

Happy Monsoon.... :)

The soft showers, the cold breeze and the tingling music of the droplets coupled with the enchanting chirp of the birds would want nothing but your lover beside you. The picturesque event on a date with your love can be made more romantic and cherished for life. Here are some romantic tips for several monsoon dates.

Long Drive On the Bike:
before you hit the rainy streets, wrap yourself with raincoats, if you don't want to sneeze for a whole week. However if you think, it's just unromantic idea to zoom with raincoats then leave it at home.. but, make sure to warm yourself as soon as you return from the romantic trip. While speeding far away from the city, stop at places with a picturesque scenery to exchange a warm kiss or just to splash rain water. The warmest thing to do would be to recite some romantic lines in your lover's arm or to sing some sizzling number together to enhance the love flame.

Long Drive In the Car:
The rain drops may be just barred to reach you, but not the warmth of love. Buzz the empty streets with a soft music on the background to lighten the whole event. Park the car on a scenic area, while the rain still drizzles on your roof... and you know what to do next. ;) The experience of a long drive is still warmer when you are out in the rain early in the morning.

Candlelight dinner in Balcony:
Candle light dinner in the balcony with add-ons like soft music and wine is just apt to hype the romance back in life. As the world gets drenched in water and snuggles inside the blanket fearing the great thunder and lightning, you swift to the warm banquet of just two to add spice to your love story. Let the dinner be a surprise to your partner. Send a cozy invitation with a flower bouquet.
for gals:
Dress yourself with a theme based line, or just be there with sexy outwear and dress the whole arena with magical fragrance.
for guys:
Pick your love from office and splurge on a party with an addition slow dancing evening and let the soft showers do the musical.

A silent walk on the watered street:
Try this, go for a walk, sharing a single umbrella. The base rule for the evening walk is none of you will speak a word, until you return back to shelter. Experience thousands of innocent love expressions that will go bang! with a great spice up energy.

Gobble spicy food on the street:
Steaming street food that may vary form hot chats to anything that may bring warmth to the chilled evening often leads to friendly, playful bonding.

Play an outdoor game on the Terrace!!:
Play an outdoor game in the rain like football or basketball. If that game seems to be an alien sports then go for any sports that will have both of you glued together till the game ends. Rediscover your childhood with a gala teaming spirit.

Watch them drop down from heaven:
If the above seems to be too adventurous then just follow the golden rule. Snuggle indoor during a thunderstorm. Grab a hot chocolate or any spicy meal and get settle down in front of the window or balcony, to watch the little droplets drop down from heaven. Spend time cuddling each other in a single warm shawl as the soft music plays at the background. Make sure to keep all the interruptions like phone calls at bay.

So as the clouds darken with a message of love shower today make sure to follow these tips to spice up love relationships. Happy monsoon dating!!!

I just wish to tell her:

While speeding far away from the city, lets stop at places with picturesque scenery to exchange a warm kiss...



PS : Vote of Thanks : Kerala Tourism Department : for a wonderful click! :)

Compatibility

People in this world are not like a piece of glass that you can look though see the other side.
People are more like diamonds, which when held against light reflect and deflect light so that a myriad of colors are seen.
Lets agree on a point.. We’re complex.

People have a lots of interests and what interests me may or may not interest you.
Even though interests are numerous, you are bound to find a lot of people who share your interests.

So, what are your interests? That is something for you to think about.

You might have to do some serious thinking before you level down your preferences. There might be a lot of things that you enjoy doing but you rarely get a chance to do.

Once you have decided on what your interests are then half the story is done. For the other part of the story, you need to sit and think about what you would like in another person. Having the same interests doesn’t necessarily mean that you can get along with a person.

For example, if you are a person who likes to talk a lot, it doesn’t mean that you could like another person who likes to talk a lot as well. If two people try to keep talking at the same time then obviously, there cannot be any dialogue.

So also, if you are the silent reserved type and the other person is too, the there will hardly be any dialogue at all! The word over here is “compatible.”
The interests of partners should complement each other and not clash.

So, sit down right now and do some thinking.
Start to get a picture of exactly what you are looking for before you ever start trying to find someone online.

Retrospect

Believe me, dear readers, please believe me when I say this: sometimes we really are running after the wrong things - chasing the wrong men and women totally convinced that they are the right ones for us. No matter what they say, or how they try to assure us otherwise, we still believe that what we are doing is right. Believe me when I say that we are stubborn and this stubbornness is the cause of our demise.

It is so hard to let go off our control. We think we know what is right. We think that the people we are running after are the people we are meant to be with - that there is nothing better than them. Its so extremely difficult to let go of that control, and be patient with life, believe in a higher power and let the universe decide once in a while.

I am guilty of all of this. I think I know what’s best for me. I think I know the people I want to associate myself with. I think I know who I should be romantically involved with and who I shouldn’t.
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But the truth is, I have very limited knowledge of all of these things.

I kept running after the wrong women, when the right one was there all along, and I almost screwed it up. I was so convinced that I wouldn't be happier with any other woman than the one I was chasing. I was so sure of myself, until I crashed. The biggest challenge in life is to let go. Its when you let go, you are able to see what the universe has in store for us. We don’t even give the universe a chance - because we think we have it all figured out. Total bullshit.

Please look around you.
Please look and see the people who are looking at you.
Please don’t be so convinced that you know what is right.
Believe.
Have faith.
Give people a chance.
Don’t make the mistake I made.
Please.
You deserve to be happy.

:)


inspired from the new DoCoMo ad :

Keep it simple! Silly! ;)

Men are from Earth and Women too

Ok, I am no advice columnist, neither a psychologist nor specialized in any way in either men’s or women's psychology.
I am just another man who has his opinions.

They say, men and women always end up on the opposite ends.
Women complain about how insensitive and "gross" and "lame" men are and men whine about the cry-babies women can turn into.
Granted, there are differences but we have to learn to live with them, right?

Lets start with relationships.
Men are committed. Period.
If a man is committed to a woman once probably he will remain committed to the "same woman" for the rest of his life. But the problem is that women don’t really know when the man is really committed. Sometimes women "think" men are serious about the relationship but they are not and then they "cheat" on the women.

folks, see... its all about perception!!

Ok, now consider this:
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girl-friends, ( not girlfrnds, ideally :P ) and she will write a poem titled.. ummm...yeah, something like - "All Men Are Idiots".
Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know there’s always a chance for us".

men will always be men.. why the hell we feel "Unsecured"; we don't know..

Another thing women need to understand and tolerate is that men are big kids ( Com’ on guys, accept it! we actually are. ) Deep down, all men are big ol' boys. ( This explains why so many grown men wear baseball caps. ) Their interests are boy-like, too. Take his obsession with sports. Most men love anything that involves kicking something, throwing things or punching other men. ( Yeah, the punching other men n saying "wassup buddy??" IS very "manly"!!! ) Sounds like 10-year-olds on the playground to you? Does to most of the women.

For girls, women:
When you put three or more men together, they bond by yelling at the TV and being idiots to each other. Regressing into childlike behavior isn't just a means of amusing themselves — it's their way of escaping real-life pressures and feeling accepted as they are. There's no point in denying guys time to release their juvenile side. And hey, at least they're doing it during boys' night out and not in front of your friends or family!

Another thing I have learnt from my day to day life is that men don’t take hints. ( Men are mad.. take it from me.. If a girl likes a guy, guy will never get to know about her feelings.. he will always think that the "Friendship" button is ON. ) Whether its his friend, wife, girlfriend or sister, he just doesn’t.

I think it is because when men are with other men, they don't tiptoe around each other and drop subtle suggestions. That's because hints don't register with guys.

Women pride themselves on being able to know intuitively what their friends, husbands and kids are thinking, but men have no interest in reading minds.

Strategy learnt from men: "If you don't ask, you don't get." Pretty simple! :P

In relationships, A woman doesn't expect a guy to know exactly what she wants — and whenever she does, she is "surely" disappointed. If, for example, a woman wants him to take her out for her birthday, she is wasting her time dropping hints like "Guess what day Friday is? It's someone's birthday!" If she does that, she'll be 80 before he takes her out. And while she is at it, don't hint about wanting a gift that's shiny and lasts forever: To him, she has just described a set of Emeril pots and pans.
But, if she do asks, clearly, chances are she will get it.
Be it an expensive ring or a loving kiss or a warm hug, she should not hesitate to ask them for it.

Coming down to a more domestic level, women should all know that men don’t do their laundry until they are out of clean clothes. If this happens before then that means someone else is doing their laundry for them.
Sometimes, their dirty laundry even comes in several categories:
1. Looks fine/smells fine,
2. Looks fine/smells bad,
3. Looks dirty/smells fine.

Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

A couple more things to keep in mind:
For girls, women:
1. Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to his manhood. Just spare him the misery.
2. Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.
3. If he has to sit through :
“Notting Hill ( 1999, Starring : Julia Roberts, Hugh Grants, Genre : Comedy | Romance )”,
you have to sit through :
“Die Hard((Series) Starring : Bruce Willis, Genre : Action | Crime | Thriller )" .
4. If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want them answer to.
5. He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay… maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…
6. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.
7. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e.: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
8. But in the end, remember that men are human. We all are. We are unique and we have our own individuality. You will not go anywhere in understanding someone if you keep on putting them in one stereotypical category or another.

Good luck Ladies! :)